Just got back from Kendo not too long ago. It's freaking amazing. My friend and I made a pact to join the Kendo Club next year, haha. It's that good.
It was really intense at the start, though. Felt like I accidentally joined into boot camp or something. Haha. All the row arrangements and stuff. What's funnier was my friend said that it felt more like a cult group(There's this part where the seniors demonstrated the moves. One, the "leader", began counting 1-10 in Japanese and the rest chimed in. So we had a big group of people, standing in a circle, chanting in a foreign tongue).
It's so steep in tradition too. Even though it's just a gymnasium, we had to bow both when entering and leaving the place. Most of the commands are in Japanese, it's damn cool. Hoping to grasp them as soon as possible. Learned basic footwork for the first half of the class. It's kinda hard coz We had to go bare-feet and it was quite cold. I got cramp twice in one of my feet twice when doing the "rei", a word to describe kneeling down and bowing. Good thing that it was nothing serious, hahaha.
Did play with the sword too! Haha. Though there are only 2 ways to hold it. It's a sign of respect. It's not as heavy as I anticipated, but enough to feel the tension while bringing it up and down, and back and forth. The whole session was pretty much about incorporating the movements (back+forth) and the proper way of holding the sword. Did a little of hitting the target "men" (head). We had to shout the word while doing so. Hahaha.
Man, can't wait for the next class!

Such is (a designer's) life...

Something "remarkable" is going on in my class. Well, not exactly. Everyone seems to be turning against the design studio teacher. It's been an ongoing issue but the most recent grading sort of sparked the flame. Yesterday we were given our grades for the most recent design project, the one about wearable/memories. The average was totally disappointing. What's worse was she showed us the works from another class. They were absolutely gorgeous. Something's definitely not right especially when it's already the 2nd time this happened.
Since the previous project on landscape design, there was a huge difference between designs from our class compared the other. Many blamed the studio teacher for not giving us the right advice and everything, though I didn't agree with them at that point. Here's how the system works. During grading, our designs are inspected by all the design teachers in the department. They will then discuss and come to a final grade on common terms. Here's the strange bit. Each class apparently has two studio teachers. Somehow, our class only has one. To be honest, she doesn't really help much at all during studio lessons. In fact, they are some of the most boring lessons in the whole course. Most of the things she goes through are absolutely boring and hardly have anything to do with the work. We tried asking other students about their teachers and it seems that they've been receiving much more assistance. Maybe it's because they have 2 teachers in studio? Or maybe they just have better teachers? The weirdest thing is that, the head of department seems to have the most say when it comes to grading the project. Her opinions ALWAYS count and our teacher keep quoting her when explaining why we get such low grades. Basically, the positive comments our studio teacher gave may be negative in the eyes of the head of department if she feels that way. That's probably really bad because we can ask our studio teacher for an advice, get one, and proceed with out work only to find out that the head of department doesn't like it and fail our design.
It's probably not right to blame a teacher for bad grades, right? Told myself that too, but it really seems odd now. Everyone in another class produces such great designs and it's so obvious that none of the work from ours can compete with theirs. There shouldn't be such a big contrast, should it? It would be totally understandable if each class contains both good and not-so-good students, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. I'm really beginning to think that it's the differences in teaching styles of the teachers. Honestly, our teacher doesn't help much at all. She provides us with a brief, and that's all about it. It's kinda obvious that my grades have been dropping gradually since the beginning of the year. From A to C+ and then now D(Not the final grade, thankfully). The pattern may be due the nature of each project. It just gets harder throughout the year. The first was relatively simple, everyone can work with papers and stuff. The second was slightly harder. The third was getting more and more complicated. So it's like, with each project it just gets harder and we struggle more because there's really not much help available. Now onto the last project, designing a bloody lamp. If she still doesn't help us with this, I have no idea what's going to happen. I mean, you can't jsut ask someone to make a freaking lamp without offering any advice!
Anyway, everyone's kinda pissed off after getting their grades. My friend even went so far as to ask for a replacement teacher. Everyone else is going to write a complaint when the evalutaion form arrives. Just hope everything gets better for our class.

What a relief. Got my allowance for this month today. Feeling so much better now! Just in time for me to restock my food supplies. :)
Though, more than half is going to paying off rent. Hahaha.
Fwncing was really fun today, too. Had a more combat-like practice and stuff. Know what's even better?? Kendo starts next Wednesday! Can't wait! Hahhaa.
There was also the Courses&Careers Day event in the Uni campus. Was there after fencing class. Got myself a few guidebooks. Hahah, so much reading to do. There was an exhibition from the Built Environment faculty, too. Their work look so professional! Haha, wish I'd be able to do things like that one day!
What else? Hmmm, did a final touch-up for my presentation. It's this coming Friday, and I can't wait to just get it over with. Should be a smooth sailing... I hope. Not to forget this Monday, the moment of truth. Hahha. Getting the results for the previous "wearable" project. Hope to get at least a decent mark. Kinda screwed up the last one. Unfortunately, we'll be receiving a new, and last, project as well. Man, there's barely enough time to breathe. Hahah.

Can't sleep. I'm quite unwell and really tired, but I just can't seem to fall asleep. Really want to know why, as well. Something is on my mind but I can't say for sure.
Had an extremely useless evening earlier. Spent most of my time staring out the window. Things are looking so crazy. Or maybe it's just me, because everything else looks the same.

The previous post was so stupid. I mean, not the theory itself. I was being honest about that. It's just the idea of me going on strike. Not sure what I was thinking when I posted that up. There were a million things on my mind. Anyway, I'm back again. Sooner than I thought.
Guess I have to credit everything to those who made me realise, again, that sometimes my actions are so dumb and unreasonable.

It's so surprising to think how one afternoon can change everything. Just like that. An event that lasted for less than two hours, a lifetime effect on me.
I'm really not sure what to think. Life is like a huge joke that's not even funny from the start. Still, we keep fighting and trying to accept it. We try to hold on to something to get us by. Family, friends, life-long goals etc. Everyone ought to have something. Those who don't, well, they probably have not found it yet. Even then, everyone is the same in the core. Given the chance, we all want it to be much easier. Either that, or the chance to not even be here in the first place. Bullshit, of course. We can't have any of that.
Life's a bitch, we all know that. No point complaining. It's best to maybe just accept it the way it is and live with it instead of making it worse.
From today onwards, I'm thinking of taking a short break. I want to know how it's like to really be alone. We all take things for granted, things that we have so easily. Msn, Skype, whatever. The more we have, the more we demand. It's just the disgusting nature of human beings. I want to experience the real loneliness. Then I'd know the difference between pain in real life and the one that I create in my own head. After that I, hopefully, will learn to aprreciate what I have now more than ever.

Excellent... Woke up today only to find that there's no water anywhere! There was a leak somewhere in the building and so they had to shut down the whole water system while fixing it. What a total bull. Hhahaa. Used bottled water to freashen up. Felt like some kind of a refugee. LOL. Ever seen the REAL out-of-bed style? Should have seen me today! Hhhaha. It's so funny.

Ok, so one down and many more to go. Assginments race of mine. *sigh*.
Became lazier and lazier the past few days too. All I did was mainly eat, sleep and watch tv. Haha, crap. I'm losing the energy that I once had at the beginning of the semester! No no... don't say that. Haha. Will get myself back on track from today onwards! A few more weeks and this course will be over!
Talking about the end of the course, I'm kind of wishing for it to end as soon as possible. Come next year, as a University student, I want to make a fresh new start. There seem to be things going in the wrong direction in many aspects. Though I'm not sure what they are. Probably just my gut feeling, but that's what got me here today. Haha, not sure if that's a good or a bad thing myself. I do realise that a big part of me was actually shaped by experinces I had with people in the past. Both positively and negatively, as well.
Sometimes it's kind of scary to think. Like how some people can be so calm and collected under pressure, I believe my trait sort of shines when it comes to compromising and giving in. Nah, not making myself sound noble. Honestly, without that quality, there's probably nothing in myself that I can be proud of.(Hahaha)
Anyway, talking about that trait. I think that in some ways it wears me down as well. Sometimes I just don't knowwhat I want for myself. Sometimes even afraid of doing the things that I really want. Probably sounds crazy. It does even to myself typing this out. Haha. Ever since as a child, and I still do now, I love being the follower to someone else and never a leader. I'm more happy to tag along rather than to come up with a plan for I have no idea if that's going to be the best for everyone. Oh no, I'm lost in my own words again. Not sure how I got to this. Haha.
I think I know that sometimes I need to stand my ground and not be swayed by outside influences, especially from people. That's probably what I'm going to do in the near future. Slowly, of course. I'll still have to stay true to myself and stick to the best traits in me, no matter that sometimes they are the ones that probably kill me as much as the bad ones. Still, they got me this far, yeah? Just in need of some improvement, that's all! Hahaha, cheers to the bright future!

Haha, here by demand.

Have to present it in less than half an hour. So best of luck to myself!

Project 3 completed...(hand not included)

Done with the first project of this semester. Total crap! Had a really nice start with the project, and everything WAS looking well. Hahhaa, half way there I got really sick of it and from that point on I just wanted to finish it as soon as possible. Yep, that's the outcome. Hahaha. Just glad that it's over, though. The only thing left to be done is to present it tomorrow. Not going to be a problem, I think.
Not much going on lately actually. Probably explains why I have not been posting up any new entries. Hope it's going to be more happening now that the project is done. There'll be a week break, praying for two, before we are given the last project of the year. Really want some time to concentrate on other assignments.

A part of my design project...(Sequence of development, from left to right)


Ultra bored right now. Haha. Been working on my design for hours without realising it. Since my mind is on design work right now, I'm posting up a pic of my work (what little there is to show at this point anyway). Probably just one third of the way to completing the whole piece. It's due next Monday, so not much time left! Come 'on! Inspiration!

Played with a sword today in fencing class. Haha, kinda cool! Practised poking on the wall. Though it's really hard to aim properly... Hahaha.Went to the Powerhouse Museum too. It was awesome! The design exhibition, especially the section showing products by the young designers of the year. There were so many things on display. Too many, in fact. Hahaha, only completed two out of three levels. Didn't have the time to explore more as it was closing by then. Anyway even if we had the time, don't think we'd have the energy.At first I planned to go home right away after. Was dragged into watching The Skeleton Key. Haha, I kinda wanted to watch it but I just wasn't in the mood. I did in the end, anyway. It's sort of... predictable. Really little scare value, too.True enough, because of that movie, I'm so far behind my personal schedule of the day. So much work left to be done. Hahaha. Think I'll only be able to finish some of them and cram everything to tomorrow! Yosh!~

Getting sick and tired of work. It's like my only form of entertainment or something. Well, of course there's the telly. Still, the wide variety of assignments in hand is drving me nuts! Imagine life where work is left, right, and everywhere! When I'm bored with design, I'd go "Think I'll study Australian Studies. Nah nah, maths is easier. Maybe I'll do that and prepare for presentation when it's done."
At least my design presentation summary is ALMOST done. Spent hours and hours doing that. Gonna print it out and see what my design teacher has to say. She'd better like it or else....! Haha, I just don't want to make major changes to it later or anything. Don't think I have the energy and time for that.
When that is complete, I'll have to prepare the presentation itself. Be it on powerpoint or transparencies, something that can get me talking for freaking 45 minutes. Return the bloody book to the library by the end of the month, and at the same time borrow more to work on my Australian Studies paper. Though I think life is going to be much better when the design stuff is done.

Spent my time in the house today. Ate, work and slept. Still waiting for my brother to pass me the cable for his digital camera. Apparently it's with his friend and he's going to collect it tomorrow. Well, no hurry anyway. Just thought that the sooner I get it, the better. Want to start on my work as soon as possible.
All my assignments datelines seem to spread out evenly throughout the semester. This is great as I don't have to rush through them at any given point in time. Though I'm quite stuck with my wearable design work. Somehow I don't "dare" to progress. I really don't know why. Well, not going to worry about it now. Probably it's best to just focus on other assignments.
They say this semester will fly by really quickly. I really wish that it's true. Even though I'm here physically, my mind is always somewhere else. It's really hard to deal with the situation when there's nothing that I can possibly do but to try to make the best out of what is given to me here. Maybe I'm being unfair to always compare everything to the place that I love and the people that can really bring out the person that I truly am. Still, another 6 years are going to be really long. Well, I may eventually grow to like the place and this lifestyle. On the other hand, I may crash and go crazy trying.
Want to leave this place. Haha.

Made additional changes to the forum last night, thanks to Danny for passing me more photos!
First fencing class today! It was really interesting. Though we didn't get to play with the swords, we learned a little about them. There are in total 3 types, a sabre, a rapier, and another which I don't remember the name :S Anyway all are used differently...So cool! Practised a lot of footwork and until now my legs are still quite sore. Haha, but it was really fun! Can't wait for Kendo to start next month!
Went to the Reverse Garbage again after that, a really long and tiring journey. Got myself more materials. At least this time they look more useful and relevant to my idea. Haha
Bought some food to restock my fridge as well. Same old, same old. Now? At home to face yet another Saturday afternoon. Haha, guess I'll just start with my work to occupy myself.

Schedule

I'm really bored! Can actually go home since 2 hours ago, but I'm just accompanying my friend to a consultation session. We're going to the city after that. It's just that I have this voucher for a clothing store, so I just wanna use it before it expires in a few days time. Haha...
Ok, so this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to list down all the assignments that I need to work on for this semester...
Design project 3(Friendship) --- due in 2-3 weeks(not so sure)
Design presentation summary --- due 31st of August
Design presentation --- 5th of September
Australian Studies Research Essay --- 23rd of September
Journal Asessments --- 14th of October
English Seminar presentation --- 5th of October
English Research Paper --- 27th of October

Yep, I'm back. Been to a design consultation today, and it was really useful! Making a huge progress in terms of development of ideas.
I'm making this face mask that reflects how memories of my friends (you guys) affect me. So there's this half that will be all the happy memories, with appropriate decorations and the other resembles the loneliness I feel coz I'm alone here. I really like the idea of making something that reflects how I really feel. Sometimes I'd smile thinking of all the stupid things we did, but at other times I'd feel really down doing so.
I think this project really allows me to explore hidden feelings that I have inside. I came up with a number of ideas regarding to things that happened to me in the past, or emotions that still affect me now. I just decided to go with the "mask" idea coz it means so much to me!

Semester 1 Results!

What a day...
Had sushi for lunch, and soon after there were red patches all over my face! ALLERGY! Haha, what the shit. It's so embarrassing! My classmate passed me her handkerchief, saying that I should wet it and put it over my face to get rid of the patches. So yeah, had to walk to the toilet with a pink handkerchief!~ Sigh, but the it really worked though. Haha
OK~ My semester 1 results are out! English(A-), Australian Studies(B-), Computing Studies(C+), Design(B+), Maths(A+). GPA=8.4
Ok, QUITE satisfied, though I'm very sure I could do better. Expected an even lower score for computings, but was hoping to get a better result for Australian Studies. English...well... I still remember the state I was in while sitting for the paper. Half-dead. Haha, so I guess this grade is reasonable!

Sleeping as my favourite hobby for the day...
I miss S'pore, haha. Wanna "Zuo Bo" again, it's so cool. Wanna crash at all your places again. Wanna hang out with all of you again...
Week 1 went by so quickly I didn't even notice it. On to week 2, towards bigger things. Sigh~

Ok I decided to take up fencing and kendo instead. Taido is way too expensive, hahaha. Feel like someone going crazy with a "stick"....

This semester...

Ok I decided to make some changes to myself this semester. Firstly, I'm beginning to watch my diet. Haha, felt so proud when I put a bottle of Pepsi back on the shelf in the supermarket the other day!
Hmm what else? Oh, I'm taking up fencing and Taido! Gonna be so fun! Actually there are so many cool activities but I didn't join them the previous semester because when my course started, most of the activities already began. I didn't want to join in half-way. This semester, then, is my chance. Haha, actually I wanted to join either Kickboxing or capoeira. Sadly, the training dates all clash with my timetable. *Sigh*
It's ok, though, fencing looks really cool too! Always wanted to try my hands on it. Taido seems fun as well, a weird Japanese martial arts. Initially I was even thinking of volleyball. Haha, but changed my mind due to various reasons. LOL
Haiz, this semester seems much more interesting! Not just work and more work like before. Shit, but I need to get myself back on track soon. I was out shopping today, too. Haha, talk about distractions! Ok, that'll be my last.
Ok, hope to have a great semester ahead. It's going to be a short one, so all the way I go!

The GREAT adjustment

This semester, there are so many new students! I mean, a new course just started and these students are crowding up the campus!Plus, students from another course are also joining our lectures and classes. Don't ask me how, but that's the way the system works.
So... new students=new possibilities! A horde of new students=even greater possibilities! The standard is quite good too, from what I observed from the past 2 days! Muahahaha~~
Ok ok, stop admiring the flowers. Received a hell lot of work so far. Two presentations, one report and a design project. The datelines have not been set for some of them, so I have to play my cards right and not have everything crammed up. Haiz.... Such is a student's life.
Semester 1 results will be out this Friday too! Have to check it on the web. Shit! This is so scary! Better be good or it's going to be a totally bad start to the new semester...
PS: There's a picture of me in the campus weekly magazine! It's so funny! I was really blown away when I saw it on the first day, hahahaha!

Late post

Was supposed to put this up last night, but what was planned as a short nap turned out to be an overnight sleep.
Missing everything so much. Felt like just yesterday. The stupidest thing is when I logged on to the MSN and saw the nickname I used before the trip, "Never been so thrilled..."
All too fast. Know I didn't say this in person, but I can't thank you guys enough. I realised there were many sacrifices on your part to keep me company, be it social or school life. Really appreciate what you did. As if you all put many things on hold for the past one and a half week. Don't think I can show my gratitude enough just with words...
It was a real mess yesterday. Rather, I was a real mess. When I wasn't dozing off in class, I was thinking of the trip. Arriving at Sydney airport, I kept asking myself what the hell was I doing here. Under certain circumstances words like "dbc" and "nooo" would pop into my head. Totally hilarious. Spent about an hour sorting out the photos, too. That's basically what I did after school before taking a "nap". I was just so tired. Fell asleep while taking down notes during lessons too, now there are so many incoherent scribbles in my book. Thought I had a dream of us all as well. So many memories...
The best logical reason(or rather, consolation) I came up with is, it's actually the distance that made our gathering so precious. Like they say, "Distance makes the heart grows fonder." Still, looking forward to see you guys again as soon as possible. Didn't plan this initially, but now I know for sure that I will see you guys in December.

In Singapore now...YAY!
It's really really hot here! But that's alright, not a problem! Haha, been really excited but equally shocked to be here, too. Haha, there are still many things to look forward to.

:)

Under

Done with the english paper, would call it an "under-performance". I was so sleepy and couldn't really concentrate. For instance, I would read a passage just to find that I didn't absorb any information at all. The same applied for reading the questions. Haha, *sigh*
It's alright. Only one more paper to go. Good or bad, I'm not going to give two hoots about it! Hehe~

Vent

Oh man, I'm too excited about the trip that I have to write it somewhere. Why can't time just freaking fly these few days? It always does, doesn't it? Hahaha, but hey, suddenly Sunday is coming to an end. Well, sort of.
I'm much more relaxed in my study today, and more efficient too. Hehhe, a positive outlook always get the job done!
SO THRILLED THINKING ABOUT THE TRIP! The ticket is lying on my freaking desk! Hahaha, and I don't want to put it away! I glance at it from time to time!
Excited about the trip, nervous about the upcoming papers, anxious to get all the packing done!

Latest life update

Latest life update... Sat for 3 out of 5 papers so far. Computing studies was the hardest!!! What a way to start off on Monday. Maths was on Thursday, and I'm aiming for an A+. Hehehe, hope I get it! Just today I had the design paper, so-called hardest of the 5. Well, it's the most unpredictable one. Ended up study too much of the unimportant stuff. Crammed the content knowledge for the past week, and it came out only for the MCQ. The two essays were based on design groups and influences. The first one was still ok, compare any 2 styles of my choice. Chose Bauhaus and Droog, the latter being the one I had to do for my presentation so my knowledge on that is quite good. The second essay was the crazy one. It's design analysis based on Art Nouveau. I had absolutely no idea what it was until the morning before the paper my friend was telling me about it. I mean, I've heard about that style but I was not sure of the characteristics. So she was telling me before the exam that it's about "organic forms, earth-toned, curve lines which represent the female curves.." And that was it, I went into the hall with that much knowledge on the style. Was hoping it wouldn't come out, but it did. So yeah, ended up writing a narrative essay for the last part! Haha, haiz... but I'm not sad or anything...I still think I can pass, maybe just not as well as I had hoped.
Went to the reverse garbage after the paper today, too. Intended to get the materials ready for the project in the next semester. Ended up buying some fabrics and laces...haha not sure what to do with them at all! Well, guess that how it always starts with design projects...
Got home feeling sick. Quite a headache, actually. Still feeling quite giddy now, but getting better. Guess I really had a rough time the past few days. I couldn't really sleep, and had to lie in bed for hours before I finally did. Worse, I would get freakish nightmares and wake up constantly! Gosh, I still remember one night I had a really gruesome, bloody dream. I was shot in the lift, blood everywhere... Woke up in the hospital bed, started walking about(not sure how it's possible!) with blood on me. Found the person who shot me, a brawl fight broke out. More blood..... I woke up sweating.... T_T
Oh well, this is the long-awaited break before I face the last 2 paper! English and Aussie Studies, which means I only have one more subject left to study!

Torturous Countdown

It's really hard to believe, but there's only a week more to go. End of exams, end of semester, and most importantlythe Singapore. Now what would it be like if I had not bought that ticket? Haha, can't even bear to think about that.
I'm so excited, but in a mild sense... Not the "woohoo" kind. My head is constantly flooded with last year's memories, haha. For the past 2 nights I had dreams about the trip. It's just such a great part of my life, that's all.
Oh, sitting for my first paper tomorrow. Computing studies. Hate it. Hahaha. Hope I do well, though. Even though it's the paper with the smallest weightage, it's the one I have the most trouble with. Haha, *sigh*.

Wind wind

It's really windy today. Looking out my window now I can see the roof of BP gas station shaking! Scary! Hahaha. Went out a while ago with the intention to return DVDs and buy some food. I did return the DVDs, but had to come home because the supermarket is quite far. Hahaha the wind was too strong and I had to retreat...
My feet are freezing cold..!! Went out in my sandals... hahahah, so stupid! Shit... now the sun is coming out. The wind is still strong, though. Guess I'll just go to the supermarket later today, then. Haha.
Revised my Australian studies yesterday, doing design today. It's so hard to prepare for design! Fortunately, earlier this morning I found some old notes that I've not gone through in detail before and found out that they are really useful. Haha... a great start!
I'm actually more worried than stressed. I don't know why! :S I made a study plan and everything is going in a pretty comfortable pace. Not sure if that's good or bad, haha.
Oh well, soon it'll be all over!

What the!

What a way to end the semester... I overslept and because of that, missed 2 classes in the morning. What am I saying? All in all I only attended one class in the afternoon, that's the only other one besides those I missed earlier anyway. So, yep...stupid me! Missed maths, so much for preparing the questions for consultation the night before. Missed Aussie Studies lecture too, the lecturer went through the exam format and techniques. Wahhhh!
It's ok, at least I've got the notes. Have to look through them on my own, :(
Oh, I'll be having a study break until next Wednesday, and that's when my first paper begins! Freaking computing studies... I hate spreadsheets....

Alter ego

Hohoho~~ Now, I came up with something. Adrian is stupid, dumb and irrational! Thanin is not! It's so weird, but putting it this way sort of explains things a little clearer. Ok, I know it's besides the point. Though it's better to at least have an explanation for it even if it does not really make any sense, right? Hahaha, so in a few weeks...No more Adrian! Adrian is a person who goes through student life in Sydney. Thanin is a part of a super cool bunch of close-knitted friends!
Thanin WILL have fun in Singapore. I WILL have fun in Singapore. WE WILL have fun in Singapore. Hahaha, I'm a nut case. Well, nothing new! LOL. Oh man. I've been so dumb! OK, now I'm looking forward to everything and nothing will get in my way!~

Unknown

I don't know what to say right now. I'm feeling really shaky, emotionally and all. It's so funny, the things that give you the most are also the same ones that hurt you really bad. For the past few 2-3 months I was "free" from these. It wasn't good, but it's not bad either. Now? Things are good at one moment, it's hell the next. I don't know...which is a better bargain?
I'm so angry all the time it's exhausting. I can't help it, I don't know why. Every little thing disturbs me, no matter how petty it may be. I'm not like myself at all. Why can't I just laugh things off anymore? It's so fucking high school, but I guess that's when it all started anyway.
The hardest part? No one will ever get what I'm trying to say. There's only one. I don't know, I'm not trying to be "pitiful" or crap like that. I've brought myself into this mess, now I can't just walk away. Until the end of this month, I'll never know if the decision I made was for the better or worst. It's so scary.
Fuck. I'm so angry at everything. I can't stand it. I don't want to but I can't do anything about it. I'll really go mad if this goes on. Exams are on next week, I can't afford to be distracted by all these. Fuck. Had a bad headache today because of this too. I'm so stressed out over things that I shouldn't be. Is it really worth it to go through so much just to get some happiness? Or is it even necessary to make it so difficult?

By the way...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DANNY!~

My week, in one entry

Exams are drawing closer and closer everyday. On average, I've been going to bed earlier for the past week. Strangely though, every morning I found myself waking up a few hours before I was supposed to. It's really annoying and I don't know why.
The most interesting thing that happened would be the handing out of a list of designers. This is a project for next term actually. It's am individual presentation on any designer on the given list. It's quite amazing. There are famous people like Steven Spielberg and Quentin Tarantino! :O Of course there are brand names like Christian Dior, Chanel etc. Think I'm going to choose an architect, to give myself more exposure to it before I study it next year. So goodbye to Tarantino (I'm such a fan of Kill Bill!). Right now there are two architects that I'm looking at. One, Peter Stutchbury, famous for working in the bush landscape (the country side). The other, IM Pei, a Chinese architect known for his eclectric design and extensive use of glass and steel. Such a hard decision! I personally like Stutchbury's approach of blending a design to the natural environment, something that is not urban architecture! On the other hand, IM Pei's work really really coincides with my father's business...which ultimately is what I revolve around anyway. Ohhhhh, a tough call!

Possible Future

Sorry all, but I still don't have a mic yet! WILL get one tomorrow, alright? Promise!~
Anyway, it's possible that I'll be doing a double degree in University next year. Architecture+Social Science(Psychology)! As you may already know, I like psychology too. The other day I was talking to a friend and found out about this option, so I'm thinking of having a go at it. Though, it'll be a hell load of work. So, it's still a pending idea!
By the way, finally finished my freaking design work! Concept statement, perspective drawing, folio and most importantly the 3D model! Tomorrow is the day...and it's over! Soooo happy!

Crashed

Soooo tired. For the past 2 days, I've been doing my design work non-stop and nothing else. That's why I've not been online at all, too! Sorry guys...
My work is quite...satisfactory, but I wouldn't want to make any more changes. I don't have the energy for that anymore, and even if I did... there's just not enough time. Haiz~~ Anyway, it's not that bad, better than nothing.
Ok, I need to get some sleep. Still have to do perspective drawings for the design! :(

Lost in Time

It was such a strange day. Like, as if I just woke up from a really long sleep or something. Yesterday we celebrated one of our classmates birthday. Spent a hell lot of money on food, a movie, karaoke...plus more and more food. Had sake during dinner at a Japanese restaurant and soju at during supper at a Korean place. They never tasted this good. Maybe coz it's the first time I had them when it's freezing outside. Afterall, that's what they're meant for in the first place, right? Was screaming in a karaoke later. Initially wanted to stay there for the whole night but it was too expensive. Anyway, it was so dynamic. We were singing in so many different languages. Two girls sang in Japanese, four guys could all sing in Mandarin (including me!) and also Cantonese (excluding me). I was singing a few Thai songs... wonderful! Surprisingly, english songs weren't very famous. We only started choosing them when we ran out of ideas. Anyway, it was really fun.
Woke up this morning, afternoon actually, feeling really sore. Did some revision for a few hours before going straight back to bed. Woke up again an hour later to do a bit more of work. Had dinner followed by watching tv and finally I'm back to revision... and blogging, of course.
Still waiting for my e-air ticket, though. SQ is so sophisticated, which is really good. I hate flying! Plus, I can watch in-flight movies too!
See you all really soon! It's so exciting!

Moment of Truth

I'm using my school com to post this up. Just waitng for my design consultation, which is about 10 minutes from now.
Anyway, I got my air ticket to S'pore! Ok, I reserved it... did not have enough cash to pay for it at taht moment. Some changes though. Instead of going there on 19 July, I can only be there on the 20th. Will probably reach Changi Airport in the afternoon. Around 2-3 pm, I think. BUT, to make up for that, my return flight to Sydney will be on the 31st instead of the 30th. Well, it's a midnight flight. Technically I'll be going back to Sydney on the 1st of ...what month is it? August? Hhhaa, think so.

Happy Hours

OH MY GOSH! I'm re-united with my long-lost cards at last! It was at the Lost&Found in a bus terminal. I'm sooooooooooooooooooo relieved! I called the station at about 10am, right about the time they open. At first the operator told me there had been no report whatsoever of a card holder. Imagine how I felt, man. I've been telling myself that, after this very call, if there's still no sign of the cards...I'll just give up and call my father. BUT.... she asked me to describe it to her again. A glimmer of hope :):):):) ... so I did. Before I finished, she asked me "Foundation studies?". BINGO.... "YEAH!". It's so embarrassing, but I was damn sure I sounded overexcited. Anyway, another surprise? She asked me for my name, so I spelled it out to her "T-H-A-N-I-N". What happened then was that, she read out my surname. She did a nice job of it too. I was so shocked to find someone capable! Hahaha, though I also think she may be a Thai. With that and her accent, I think I may be right! Anyway, I took a cab to the place right away. OH MY DARLING!

Standing still.

What can I say? I'm so bored now. I have my design work to do, but I want to let my teacher check if it's on the right track. Don't wanna risk ruining the work. So I'll leave that for tomorrow.
Gosh, cards cards cards. The thought is really bugging me. Was trying to contact another bus service Lost&Found depot, but I think it doesn't operate today. I couldn't get through. It's a public holiday afterall.
Oh man, it's so gloomy today. Not doing any good to my mood at all. It's only now that I really know what it means to be lonely and insecure. Before, just a click on my mobile and I can talk to someone. Haha, missing those days already.
Don't know why, I have to do something all the time. I can't seem to sit still. It's so annoying. I feel really uncomfortable to just sit down and let it be. It's like, I have to find myself something to do. It's horrible. However, I am always progressing with my assignments. Which is a good thing, of course.
Wahh. Who am I? Why am I here? What if.....? Too many questions. Useless to ponder over them, duh. It's scary how time changed me. I'm becoming so different each day. I feel and do things which I'd never imagine myself being capable of. Maybe it's just a rite of passage or something. A period of time when I move on to adulthood? Hahaha, nonsense. It's too soon! Also, I don't think I'm the type who's very mature. Haiz.
I really want to do something, but don't feel like studying. So I'll just go on. So, where was I? Haha, yeah... time. I find myself to be more competitive these days. Maybe just a little, but I really hate that kind of attitude on anyone. Well, maybe it helps to motivate you at times. Though, I think many of the disputes between individuals are also caused by this. Anyway, I really don't want to become like that. What else... oh, has anyone notice if I became more defensive? I don't know, I just have this feeling that I'm always guarded about everything. One wrong step from someone and I'll either withdraw to my comfort zone or snap back, the latter not being very nice, of course. What else is there? Breaking down? Well, that happens all the time since years back. Now it may be more common, though usually started off with an alcohol boost. Sigh, reminding myself not to do that anymore. It's dangerous. Who knows what I'll end up doing?
Just a little bit more, have this feeling that I'm forgetting something. Not sure what. Anyway, I'll just move on. I'm really scraping the barrels to fill this up. Good for me. Making sure that I'm not hiding anything deep down.
It's so funny to think about the rut I'm in. In Maris Stella years, I had academic obstacles. Scoring, more like getting a pass, in as many subjects as possible. Friends were a big part in everyday life. Both good and bad, haha. Way too many things happened in one year, guys. Not sure how we made it through. Anyway, now, I think it's the total opposite. I'm cruising through my assignments. Well, I'm not THAT well off but surely better than before. I still face everyday obstacles, but this time it's solely on myself. Like, everything that happens, it's all me. I'm tackling all MY problems on MY own. Unlike the times when shit was thrown by one person to another. Not a very nice image, but get what I mean? At least at those times, there were always people to fight through the problems together. That made things much easier. It's so different now. How many times in your life can you find someone new to listen to all your problems and understand you? I think everyone is fortunate enough to just get one opportunity, and I think I already used up mine. Yeah, I seriously think so.

Nothing to lose...

Drink when I'm sad....

Hey guys, I've made up my mind. See you all in a month! Yeah, I've decided to go to S'pore afterall. No more nagging, alright? :P
Anyway, the only problem now is... I need to get back my ATM card and...and every other card for that matter. It's driving me insane. I really don't want to tell my father, but I'd have to if I can't get them back. I'm starting to lose my grip again, and it's not looking really good at all.

Horo reading

He does not care what people think when he behaves strangely. He could be walking bare feet and laughing at people who laugh at him and think they are so narrow minded.He likes to search and analyze people and things. He will analyze his friends or his girl friend, and once the mystery is gone, he will search for new puzzles to solve. He cannot easily understand things, so he will gradually learn about you till he fills up all his questions.He knows so many people ,but he has few friends. He looks for quality friends than quantity. He will be close with some friends shortly and move on. He always feel lonely even when surround by many people. He could create his own little world, and sometimes no one would understand him
He hates lies, so he will not tell you lies. If he finds it is necessary to lie, he will find other ways not to tell you or avoid telling you anything. If he really has to lie, you will never be able to tell that he is lying. He can really keep secrets, so you will hardly know that he is a lonely soul.He sees anythings in details and not easily trusted people till he thinks he knows them well. You can just smile and he will wonder why and what are you smiling about, and if you are pretending. Once he trusts you and accept you as a friend, no one can say other wise to change that for he will not listen to gossip. He will be honest and sincere to his friends.
A man with a conflict personality. He is a cool, understanding, able to work well, and very artistic. Taurus man could be an artist. He could shock you as much as he is able to clam you down when you are upset. He is a free spirit who likes to venture, but when he wants to be alone, do not touch him but to let him be. He won't disappear from the crowds too long, he will be back.
Those born under the sign of Taurus love to save money, but they also know how to spend it, especially on the ones they love. Truly one of the most committed signs of the Zodiac, Taurus is in it for the long haul.
Taurus does not like change, actually it can be quite an albatross around his neck. Change is not always good, but sometimes change is necessary, and this is where the stubbornness of the bull can really cause problems. The bull will only rise to the occasion when he has too, but when he does, you better look out because nothing is going to stop him or turn him aside. Taurus people are very adept at finding creative ways of building up the home. The home and family is considered to be their highest priority.

A horoscope reading by "HoroBeng" or whatever that is....
Got to say it's the most accurate one without being corny...

Kicking my ASS!

Oh SHIT SHIT SHIT! Guess what! I lost my freaking card holder! Meaning, I lost my student card, ATM card, and every other valuable card imaginable! Including the JJH pic you gave me too, Danny! Oh shit, I feel like an idiot right now! Earlier when I was buying the movie ticket, I realised I couldn't find my cardholder anywhere! Damn it! Stupid stupid....
Think I dropped in while alighting from the bus in the city. I was pretty sure I heard something, was curious but didn't pay much attention. Oh shit, think that must be it. Hope like hell someone nice will find it and report it or something... Most of the cards have my name or face on it... FEEL SO DUMB!! ARGH!

Brief disruption

My internet was down yesterday (or was it 2 days ago?). Anyway, so glad that it's back up and working again. So funny how I was much more focused on my work without it, haha.
So, starting from Monday, it was sooo funny. I woke up at about 9.10am. Wasn't sure if it was a Sunday or a Monday. Almost went back to sleep when I realised I had an English presentation, haha. Freaked out real bad! The lesson started at 9.00am, but I got there at about 9.30. Fortunately the teacher didn't penalise me for that. True enough, I was still damn sleepy during the whole presentation. Lucky me that it was a short one, though.
So...two down, one more to go. Next Thursday, yo! Oh, finally finalised my park design...sort of. Drove myself crazy last week because I couldn't come up with anything decent. Well, I'm looking into a park that uses mainly rocks as the main principle. Haha, made a rough sketch last night and just made an improved version of it a few hours ago. Bought materials from an art shop today, too. Made mini furnitures while watching "Bad Santa". A hell of a show. It's just so nice.
I'll be attending workshops after school for the next 2 days. The first, which is tomorrow, is on presentation skills. I think. The second one is on public speaking. Signed up for them coz I think those stuff may come in handy later. Just hope it's not boring or anything. Two hours for each, man....

Unclipping the wings of Time

Wow, time really flies these days. Suddenly each week pass by so quickly. Ok, did a presentation on Ned Kelly yesterday. I think it went quite alright, though nervousness made me missed some points. Haha. I had to include paintings from an artist by the name of Sidney Nolan in my presentation. What I did was, I showed a picture together with every events that I mentioned. Surprisingly, at the end of the presentation, the teacher told me that, in her 4 years teaching at the UFY, I was the first to do that! O.O Apparently all her previous students who chose this topic presented Ned's details and the paintings separately. I was speechless!~
Basically that's all I remembered from the week, haha. Nice ending too, as it was my last class on Friday. Anyway, i just completed my seminar paper on the presentation on the topic before blogging this. Have to hand it in next week. Ok...one down and two more to go. Have an English presentation next Mon and finally the design presentation on Thursday, the week after. When all's done, it'll be study time.
Oh, must not forget my design project too. Making a park, haha. Tomorrow a group of us will be going to a park to do some sketching and observe the atmosphere and the proportions of trees and stuff. Starting this project sparked my interest in landscape architecture. It's so much nicer than an architect designing buildings. Ohhhhhhh noooooo, maybe I'll have a change in career. Hahaha, got to wait and see!

New Building!

So, we Foundation year students finally have our new building! Yay, it's so much nicer. Lectures are still held in the main University campus, but tutorial classes are at this new building. It looks really corporate... business-like...hahaha. Not boring though. I think it looks serious and modern but at the same time, strangely interesting too. Hmm, standing at the hallway, it reminded me of a scene from Resident Evil. Hahaha, the way the doors are arranged and the atmosphere, it's as if some kind of nasty experiment was being carried out. LOL. Also, many doors are made in such a way that it blends into the wall. That's damn cool. I can walk pass one without even knowing that it's there.
Oh, did I mention that half of the classes are located in the basement? Yeah, that's so weird. Like, even when it's really noisy in the hallway because the building faces the main road, it's awfully quiet in the classrooms.
Apparently, there are some levels that can only be accessed through the elevator. Hmmm, curious curious. LOL, will find out more about it soon. :)

Such is life~

Ohhhhh, had my non-assessable maths test today. I'm really disappointed with myself. What happened was, I got stuck at a question on construction! LOL. I could do the question, yeah. The thing was, the first time I constructed the diagram, it went right through the question. So I had to erase and start over. This time, I had some problems with the compass, hahahha. Don't know why, but it kept moving about!!! After 2-3 attempts, I finally got it right. Stupid!~ Hahahahha.
Since I was using a pencil for that question, I kept using it for the next 3 questions. Hhahaha, so dumb of me! Yeah, wasted my time, again, to rewrite the workings and the answers. In the end I had to rush through the rest of the test. Guaranteed careless mistakes, hahahahha.
Then, tehre's another incident. After class, I went to the teller to pay my rent. There were two attendants behind the counter, attening to one customer each. Only one old lady was in the waiting line. I stood behind her, but she made way for me to go first. Also, I noticed that she was talking to a guy in front of her. So I assumed that they were together and she let me pass because she wasn't in the line. Haha, little did I know that she let me pass as she thought that I was in a rush. I didn't even thank her! -_-"
So yeah, such is a day for me. Hahahha... Oh well, this coming weekend=work and no play. I'm clearing all the work, making way for my design! I'm designing a park, guys! A public park. So, if anyone has any interesting ideas, please please share!~
Sweet, I just discovered another use for this blog!

Letter of Complaint!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man, I wanna launch a complaint! Hahaha... I picked up another one of my reserved books just earlier in the evening. Guess what? I can have it only for 3 days...again! Coz it's in such a high demand! Good for, weekends don't count! Hahaha, I get to give it back next Monday... but still... :(
Sigh, tonight will be another sleepless one. This book has much more info compared to the previous one which contained more pictures...! Looking on the bright side, though, both are quite to the point. The first gave me a list of designers in Droog, this gives me it's progression and development over time. Well, mostly anyway. Yeah, both are the parts of the requirements for the presentation. Weeee!~~~~~~~
Got to start my note-taking marathon now. Thanin/Adrian/Timmy, out! LOL

Oh damn it. I think I'm about to rot, die AND decompose! Hahaha, so much work! Last night I worked with a book on "Droog Design" I borrowed from the library. I was allowed to have it for only three days!~ Last night was the only time I could read through it. Glued myself to my desk for six hours jotting down notes! Thanks to Keith, too, or else I would have done it within five! Hahah, just kidding! Your non-sense was great fun.
Anyway, since my friend is going to the COFA library today, I passed that book to him so he could help me return it. The stupid thing is just now, when I checked my email, I was told that another one of my reserved books is now available in COFA! I went, "What the hell???". Sigh, guess I'll go there in the morning before class. Well, technically I'm skipping maths lecture so I can go there at 1pm, hahahaha.
Waaahhhh, so busy these days! Good things that I'm really close to completing my English and Australian Studies' presentations, or else I'd be dead now. My design presentation is a real killer!!~~ There is a huge chunks of requirements we have to meet. Summary handouts, presentation talk, images for analysis and discussion, and a poster showing the philosophy of the design group/style. Stupid woman, why did she have to ask for so much information? Last but not least, my new Design project.... Yesterday I bought some materials to start it. Didn't get the chance to, though. Sigh, gonna do it tonight. It's really hard, I don't have any idea how to begin. But then, that's how it was for the previous project, too. Hahahhaa, so I guess HOPE history will repeat itself!

Perfect !~

Went on a dumb, little adventure today. Was supposed to attend English tutorial today, but I woke up late. So...slept more! Hahha, when I was finally out of bed, I went to the library instead. Wanted to get a book that I reserved. However, I took the wrong bus. Hahaha, ended up in the city...a place I'm not familiar with at all! Hahhaa. Tried to find my way out because I know that I can get to the library on foot from there! Walked aimlessly for about 20-30 minutes. Hahaha. Luckily, when I was walking pass a bus stop, I saw a bus that goes to Oxford St. Sweet, so I decided to hop on. As it turned out, I was right. BUT, the destination was only about 3-4 stops away from where I boarded the bus. Hahaha, wasted my precious bus ticket!
Anyway, finally got a book to get me going with my project. I can only hold on to it until this Thursday though, which is kinda bad coz that means I really really have to skim through it. Haiz~
Also, missing the tutorial was really not a good idea. The teacher gave our new timetable and a map for our new school building! Hmmm, I'll only get mine this coming Thursday! Anyway only four people went for the tutorial, haha. Still it made me so guilty, hahaa. That's why I went to the Maths lecture in the afternoon to make up for it. Honestly, I have not been to this lecture for ages. It's way too boring!
Oh, we recieved our grades for the first design project too. I got a freaking A! Haahhaa, i'm so very surprised! Totally didn't see that coming! Hahha, my work was chosen for display in the students' exhibition, too! YAY! Though, I thought something was wrong. I mean, many others were much nicer than mine. Somehow, mine was the only one out of three that was chosen... :S
But well, it's time to concentrate on my new design project! The notorious, infamous Landscape! Hahaha, now I kinda understand why it has such a reputation. This is going to be such a tedious job. We only have four weeks for it too. T__________T

Heart-breaking Decision!~

Oh man, my com crashed half-way through a moment ago when I was posting an entry.
Anyway, I was at the travel agency today. The cheapest direct flight to S'pore is at $1027! Whoa!!! That's much more expensive than what I expected. Though, I really want to go and nothing can stop me! Hahaha, guess I'll really have to spend much less on anything from today onwards for a period of 3-4 months! Haha
Oh, everything is looking brighter these days, too. I'm so glad. Later tonight I'm going to watch Star Wars with my brother and his friends. Not that I'm a fan of the saga, but just think it's a good idea to get out. It's Friday night!
Tomorrow I'll be doing my group work with my friends. We'll be going about doing interviews! Haha, that will be interesting. ^___^
Work-wise I'm doing well, I think. I've prepared my English presentation which is due in 3 weeks! Hahaha, so relieved now! Also, I'm more than half way done with my Australian Studies presentation which is due in two weeks. For my Design group presentation, we are going at quite a slow pace. Though we are progressing constantly. Shouldn't be a problem as it's due in mid-June. When I'm done with my Australian Studies', then I'd go all out with that piece. Oh, we are getting our comments on the 1st design project next Monday. I'm quite excited as to what the teacher's going to say. WE'll get our 2nd project, too. I dare say, "Bring it on!"
Oh, from this week onwards I'll be doing constant revision for the upcoming exams in July. Don't want to be complacent! Hahaha, wanna make sure that I score! Good for the morale, right?!?!?!?

Oh my gosh! I recieved the greatest piece of news today. Ok, firstly... Danny, how long are you going to be in S'pore? As in, until when? Coz, I just found out that I have a holiday from 19-31 of July!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tell me asap, alright? Wow, and I thought I wasn't going to get a holioday!

Greatest apology

Cibil: "To let us develop as a person, God granted

many tests and obstacles to the people."

Felin: "If that's true, then I think God is really

dumb to have thought of such silly methods."

Cibil: "Maybe yes, or no. God is smart but we are stupid.

God is smart to grant such difficult tests

together with answers. People, however, are too stupid

to only see the tests alone. That's why we feel

that there is no way out."

From: The Thief of Baramos

Guys, really sorry for making you so worried. It was really stupid to have done what I did. It was really an act out of impulse. Now, though, you all showed me that there'll never be a day when I wake up and be totally alone.

Out of my mind.

I freaked myself out just now. Ok, so I started drinking. Not as bad as it sounds, but since yesterday I drowned a bottle each day. No, it's not a lame fashion statement. It just feels better with the boost.
Though just now, I was taking a shower. I sat on the floor and just let the water run onto my head. Then a thought crossed my mind. What if I could drown myself in the running water and just sleep forever? What happened then was I, unconciously, began holding my breath in the running water. Took me a while to realise and I jumped out of the shower when I did. Gosh, what's going on?
I'm scaring the shit out of myself with the things I do these days. I talk to myself and laugh at my own thoughts. I was so close to cutting myself while working with a pen knife for my design project.
Am I becoming a freak now? Or just over-reacting?
Fuck it all.

My routine

I'm beginning to hate Fridays.
They say a smile can make you feel better. So laugh more, smile more. Even when you're sad, smile. You are bound to make everything better. I don't know. I just prefer to sulk. Play a song. Listen to it over and over again. Sing along until I can't anymore. Then begin to cry until I exhaust myself. Go to sleep after that and wake up feeling incredibly stupid at myself. That seems to be what I do on Friday, though.
Why do we have to be a social animal? Anyway, I forgot what I wanted to say.

Back, finally

Been a while since my last post. I have quite aload of assignments to complete from now until next month. :(
Next Monday I have to hand in my first design assessable project. It's almost done now and I should be able to finish it by tomorrow. Yay! Have this Computer studies' Photoshop work due at the end of this month too. That should not be much of a problem either.
On the 2nd of June, though, I have my Australian Studies presentation and following closely is my English Summary presentation on the 6th. After that is the killer one. My design presentation on the 14th of June. That is really scary. I really need to do a lot of research and work on that piece. Just today, I was given another english assignment which is due on the 30th of June. Now this is an interesting one. Every week we have to produce a certain amount of work for the teacher to check. For example, next week we have to produce the background information of the topic and the week after the rationale and the scope is due. What more is that, we can choose whatever topic we like. My group is doing a topic on homosexuality :S, chosen by one girl in our group of three. Since this is an interview-based project, meaning we have to gather information mostly from interviewing the locals, I can't imagine us asking around about such a topic. Oh well, it's a totally fresh topic anyway.
We also got a new timetable today. It's only temporary, which is really good coz I don't really like it. Even though on Thursday my first class starts at as late as 11am, generally I have to stay in school longer as there are more breaks between lessons. Actually, now that I look at it again, it's not so bad. Hahahaha, but it's going to change again when we move to the new building at the end of the month!

The last one(for now)!

And more!

More!

A picture based on "The Thief of Baramos". A really really cool novel!~~~~~~~~~~~
Been wanting to do revision since dinner, but the mood never came. Can't really say what I've been doing all this while either for I'm not sure myself. Wanted to blog but words aren't flowing like they should. So I just decided to put up these pictures to pass the time. At least somethig's being done.

Fly

It's Friday afternoon. How fast the week went by. Everyone's happy to get the weekend break. I just got home about half an hour ago. Did what I always do these days, poured all my emotions out.
Really been going back to my earlier posts often lately. It was so nice reading them, almost magical. I don't know but, when I read them I could almost imagine myself in my room back in S'pore. I started reading from the very first post and couldn't stop. It's like going through everything all over again. Felt everything all over again, too.
What I found out was, there's this transition period. Ever since I left S'pore, my blog became really dull like what you guys said. Up to this point, it's still so dead to me. Personally, I didn't feel anything towards the more recent posts at all. Just another day that goes by. While reading the old posts I was actually laughing and crying along. It's weird but true. So full of meaning to me. Now, though, I don't even know what I'm writing about anymore. I don't feel the connection at all.
I really don't want this blog to die. I want to keep using it for much longer. Think I just need a reason to do so. Stupid thoughts again. That's exactly what this blog has become, full of shit thoughts. I'd rather be like before, feel hurt and happiness. Had a blog so full of feelings and emotions. Not like now, it's so empty.

Reality check

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new?

Had a rub with reality today. Tonight the campus has this "Heaven & Hell" party. Heard it's supposed to be a really big event that takes place every year. It sounds so cool, seriously. When I first heard of it I got this idea that I wanted to go there. The next thought was, with who? So strange... , but seriously the question was a real turn off. What's the point of going to a party alone, right?

It's been more than a month since I got here. I haven't been going out to any of the parties at all. It's times like these that I missed you all soooooo much. If only you guys were here, right? I mean, my friends from China from the same class started their course a few months earlier than me. They have their clique of HK&Chinese friends that they go out with after school.

Everything probably started during English lesson today. I was so tired and was yawning in class. My teacher saw, she's a really nice teacher by the way, and was making a joke like, "Oh, someone's been partying too hard last night." My friend continued with, "No, he's avery good boy. He always stay at home to do his homework."

I laughed at the comment. It was freakingly true, though. I've never been going out that often at all. Always stay at home and do my homework coz there's nothing else. What a coincident, right? After the realisation from the "party-news incident", there's this exchange of comments....

Not wanting to be a party animal or anything like that. Just something more than this. Kept thinking about the times when we hang out until late at night only to catch the last bus home, and all the BS.

I don't know how it's going to be like in the near future. But everyday, when the school's over and I walk home on my own, I feel like jumping out to the road.

50 things to do before you die~~~

There's a posters sale going on in the campus today. Looked around the place after my class. It's pretty interesting, though expensive. $10 per poster... gosh. Anyway tomorrow's the last day and I plan to go back there again. It was pretty crowded today and I didn't see everything. Although there's one poster, if you remember, showing a scene from Shrek 2 where the Puss in Boots was doing his teary eyed look. Awwww~~~~
What can I say. I've been missing lessons this week. I missed a Maths lecture on Monday. I was too tired and lazy to go actually. Yesterday, however, it was really stupid of me. I was supposed to have a lecture at 10 in the morning. I set the alarm at 9. It turned out that it was actually set at 9 pm, instead of am! Yeah, I barely made it for the second lesson.
My body clock is quite screwed up, too. For the passed nights I've been going to bed at 4-5am. It's really horrible. More and more work is coming my way. I have three presentaions on my hand right now. Although they are all due in June, they are not exactly light tasks. Well, maybe except for english, which requires me to do a summary of an article and not research like the other two.
Oh, I picked up the campus weekly magazine today. There's a column called "50 things to do before you graduate, get old and die". It's really cool and interesting and I just wanna share some of them. There are things like "Leave a lecture to go to a bathroom and never come back", "Punch someone you hate", "Travel and get lost in another country", "Scream as loud as you can for as long as you can", "Catch a leaf before it hits the ground", "Steal a street sign with your name on it", "Re-unite with childhood friends, get drunk and disorderly with each other and relive good times", "Write a memoir of your own life. You'd be amazed at how screwed up yet very interesting your life had actually been", "Laugh till your insides have been turned inside out and cry so much you have no more water left in your body", "Hug people the moment you're compelled to. If it shocks the shit out of them so be it.", "Appreciate your life. Sit down and pick out all the wonderful things that are happening to you. Be grateful and smile.", "Hang out with a friend watching DVDs, overcome the point of tiredness and stay up talking about anything and everything and finally pass out as the sun comes up.", "Write a song or a poem to relive all that anguish.", and lastly "Hang out with your mother and really get to know her. Be silly with her and remind yourself that your belly buttons were once connected."
Ok, so those are the ones that are really really nice. Though there are still many more. Wow, I got so carried away that I didn't realise how much I typed.

Malibu~~~

Hey... I wasn't feeling very well all day. Last night I was walking in the rain and it was freezing. I was wearing a pair of shorts, too. -_-"
Anyway, I missed Maths lecture today. Was too tired to go. Worse is I realised, during the desing studio, that my design work is on a VERY wrong track. Oh damn it, I'm doing it all over again. Anyway, it wasn't very nice...so maybe it's for the better!
Oh, my friends just left the place too. Ana and Ariel, they came to watch TV at 9.30. It turned out, though, that there was a change in the schedule. So we ended up talking for hours. Anyway, they brought a bottle of Malibu and a few can of cokes along. It was really nice. We were talking about pubs or something like that, but they suddenly asked me if I'm 18. So I said "Since yesterday!". That was it... They made me down a glass of Malibu and coke in one short. Phew, I still feel the gas~~~~
Wanted to get more rest today, but ended chit chatting. Yeah, I slept for two hours earlier on. Drinking was nowhere in the plan though, lol. I'll be out drinking again tomorrow, too. So it's going to be 3 days straight of alcohol. :S

B'Day

Hey, I'm 18 now....~_~ Will take a while for me to get use to that. I don't know why, but to me 18 is like bench mark between young adults and not-so-young adults. Haha... Oh well, no one can be young and childish forever huh? Also, a big THANK YOU to everyone for all the wishes!
So I got a new computer today! Yippee! Finally I got rid of the junk I used as a computer for the passed years. For good, too. Hahaha~~~
Anyway I just got home. Went for dinner and drink with my brother and his friend. Oh, actually I wanted to change the layout of this blog. Oh well, another time. It takes up too much time and I haven't found the one that I really like yet. When I think about this, I haven't found any that is nicer than this one!
I WANNA BE DIFFERENT, I WANNA STAND OUT, I WANNA BE ME!

Soon to come

Yoz! I think today, by far, was the best day in the week. Yesterday I had my first English presentation. I got kinda nervous, haha, and ended up stumping on my words quite a few times! On the overall it was ok though , I think. Anyway, it wasn't assessable so it didn't really matter. There's a book fair going on in the campus right now. I went to take a look today. It was pretty huge and the books are real cheap. Got to go back there again. Sunday's the last day, though, so I guess I'm going tomorrow. The weird thing is, they even sell adult books and magazines. Haha, I was so surprised to see them displayed. It's a school book fair for crying out loud! Nah, I'm not complaining. :P
I went to my friends' place today, too. Played tennis, haha. for about two hours and after that we went out for dinner. It was awesome. This is so strange, but I think if I keep hanging out with them, my Chinese is going to improve. Just today I met another girl from China. So in the end there were four of us playing tennis and all. Since three are from China, so it's very normal for them to speak mandarin. Well, I kinda joined in. Haha, it's damn fun. Also, I'm thinking of picking up Cantonese too. The girl told me that it's the second most used language in Sydney after English. Unbelievable!
Also, I'm turning 18! My friends are all over 18 now and they were just telling me that when I reach that age, they're taking me to the pubs in the city, where the security is tighter compared to those in the suburbs. Oh man, I can't wait~~~~~~~
Another thing, I'm thinking of changing the whole layout of this blog. Change all the design and colours and everything, you know. So yeah, changes coming by the end of the weekened! ^_______^

The scariest dream.

Want to talk about the dream I had last night. Been having weird dreams for the last few nights. THe most recent one, though, was downright creepy. I actually dreamt of myself dying. Ok, the thing was very stupid, it started like "Resident Evil"...You know, with zombies and stuff? And then there's this one part when I had to run pass a group of zombies. Sure enough , one turned around to bite me at the wrist...
Someone rescued me...but I KNEW that I was dying. It's like, I could barely feel anything. Just there shaking and barely breathing, my vision was so blur too. Suddenly I started thinking about everything, family, friends and all the stuff. It was soooo real, though I'm not saying I died before. I woke up and was so shocked.
I don't know, it's really disturbing...been thinking abou it the whole day.
There was actually another weird dream in the same night, though I can't remember that one. It paled in comparison to the dying experience...

Oh man, today's the last day of holiday~~~ So sad, I was so contented spending time at home, hahaaha. Summing up all my activities during the hols...
Been to the city twice the previous 2 days. Watched "The Extra" yesterday, too...Think it's an Aussie movie. Quite a nice comedy, by the way. Spent the rest of the time at home, though I'm not complaining. Don't know why but everytime I leave the house I always get a little dizzy and light-headed. So yeah, better stay in.
Awwwww school is starting tomorrow...

I am by myself

Playing with the shadows on the wall

Everything is cool

I've learnt to live the way, live this way

Nothing is the same, none will be the same

And I miss you...But who are you?

Like the falling leaves

I am so helpless against the wind

Everything is cool

I've leant to live the way, live this way

Nothing is the same, none will be the same

And I miss you...But who are you?

When I go to bed

I lie awake on my own, on my own

And i think of you

But I'm not so sure...Who are you?

My Song

I know a story, I know a song

About my lonely, unguided way

My heart is weary,my hands are cold

This is my music, to soothe my soul

My life's not real, it's not a dream

It's not a nightmare, yet not the best

So many faces, so many names

And yet I'm drowning, here on my own

Still I go on, all though my own

I wanna get there, though not sure where

My life's not real, but not a dream

It's not a nightmare, but now I know

No hand can save me, only my own

So now I will try, to get up again

My heart is weary, my hands are cold

This is my music, to soothe my soul

Witnessed and accident today. It's only just a while ago actually. Ok, here's the story. I went to the art shop in Oxford St. After paying for the stuff, I left the store and onto the streets. There was this loud crashing noise and like everyone else, I looked. Damn...What happened, or what I think happened, was that a a garbage truck hit a the car on the kerb side. Think the driver was of the car was opening the door when the garbage truck passed by. The split second that I saw the accident, I could see the bits and pieces of the car window chattering. Freaky~~ Think no one's hurt though, so it's not so bad.
Ok. That was it. Now back to my life. Been doing a lot of work. Not sure if I can really say I did much. I mean, I many things here and there. Changing projects all the time. Even though I think I spent a lot of effort doing them, no real results were shown. LOL, anyway, now that I have the materials I need, I plan to finish up my design project.

Let's see... Starting from yesterday, I went to COFA to take a look at their library. That's where I'll be heading to again this Friday to do my design project. Anyway, went to Chinatown and "Thai"town too. Bought me the new F.I.R. album! ^______^ The stupidest thing was probably buying the one with the special dvd. At first I thought it'll be the music videos. It actually turned out to be "the making of..." and I couldn't understand most of it, lol! Money wasted~~~~
Anyway, today was quite draining. Went shopping for food right after I woke up. Posted my mail, too, so Dan you ought to recieve it anytime! My trip to the supermarket, somehow, gave me the inspiration for my design project. Probably the dried leaves on the road, but I've decided to do my project with the "4 seasons" as the theme! Hahaha, good start yeah? -_-"
Anyway, right after I got home, I boiled some eggs. Think it wasn't cooked properly coz my stomach felt quite sick afterwards.... :(
Continued with my design work too, putting all my "seasons" idea down! Yay! So yeah, I watched "Ned Kelly" in mid-afternoon. It's just for my Australian Studies project, actually. I'm doing a presentation on this guy, so I thought it'd be a good start to watch the movie on him! Nah, think it's probably just because I'm a movie buff! Throughout the movie I was jotting down notes. The dvd has one specal feature about the history of Ned Kelly , too, so it really helped to a certain extent. Hope the in info is accurate though, hahahha.
So yeah, fixed myself some dinner after that. Pretty decent dinner this time, too. Nothing burned, hahaha, I was so relieved! About an hour after that my brother came home wih his friends though. They wanted to go to a pub for dinner and so I tagged along. Ate and drank a little. Underage, man! hahaha! So yeah, got home and felt slightly tipsy. Not drunk or anything. Decided to just slouched on the sofa and watched tv. Ended up there for hours lol.
What a long day, huh? Anyway I'm going to the Blue Mountains tomorrow. Heard it's very nice, so I'm really excited!

Thank goodness, today turned out pretty nicely. Had a rough morning, though. I got the little "hangover" feeling from last night. Not saying that I'm drunk, but last night wasn't my best. I was pissed at everything, don't want to thnik about the source of it.
Anyway, as I said, wasn't feeling my best until around noon. My friend came to use my internet. Yeah, her house has neither TV nor the net! Anyway, after that we were so bored. What we decided to do was rent a couple of movies to watch. Got us Mulan 2 and Soul Plane. Both were fun! Haha, by the time they were over it was already about 6pm. She got home while I went back to return the movies. There, I foud the show called "Ned Kelly". Bingo... I have a project on this guy. So yeah, borrowed it.
Oh, tomorrow some of us are going to the city. COFA and after that we'll just hang around. I'm thrilled!

Actually, I have nothing to blog today. Just wanted to write something somewhere, and too lazy to find my notebook and pencil. So yeah, this seems like the most convenient way.
Where to begin... The weather's great today. Not too hot, not too cold. I found myself staring out the window a lot too. It felt so...nice? Not really, though. I don't know, whatever.
Want to listen to Thai songs. Haha, don't know why but just the sudden craving. Maybe homesick? Quite impossible, I don't get homesick.
Got this werid idea of tree and cactus. Tree has leaves that can provide shade for people. It is also good to look at. Two way benefit. Cactus, however, has thorns and not much else. It is like a person who helps others and the one who doesn't. On the other hand, tree needs a certain amount water, sunlight etc in order to survive while cactus can pretty much survive on its own without much of anything. So...it's like the person who helps others also at the same time is very much affected by outside influences. The one who doesn't care for others are then the tougher ones? Whatever... -_-"

Wo De Ji Mo De Ji Jie

Holi Holiday!

Oh yeah! From this very moment until the 26th of April is my holiday! Woo hoo~~~~
Well, not that it's REALLY exciting... I mean, I haven't got much plan on what to do yet. I'm going on a trip to Blue Mountains next Wednesday. One of the other days, my Thai friend is taking some of us to the College of Fine Arts. We just really need to know how to go there, for future purposes. He also knows a pub where they don't check your ID, hahah cool. Three things to do so far. The rest of the time? Maybe try to finish up some projects. A hell lot of work to do for these few weeks. Don't wanna be caught in any sticky situation, you know. Oh, my group decided to do Mambo style (yeah, the brand) for the design presentation. Haha, that's going to be so cool ^____^
So yeah, that's it!

New spot!

Oh hey, everyone. I'm actually using the school com to type this out right now. ^___^
I stayed back in school to finish up with my computer studies work. Now that it's done, and i'm waiting for my friend to finish his, I just wanna kill time by blogging this.
Actually our last lesson was over since 2 o'clock. We went for lunch and met this friend of mine, an Indonesian girl, who can speak 8 freaking languages! LOL, incredible....
So yeah, after that went to the library and bookshop to look for some materials for the latest design project which will also be the final project for this term. Important, huh? None found, though. One of these days we will have to go to COFA (College of Fine Arts). The teacher said that the library there has a huge range of books on design and stuff. The stationary shop also sells most of the materials that we need. So yeah, that'll be my next stop when I go into the city.
We did Sets in maths tutorial today, by the way. LOL, good old times with sets.... Hahaha

So much...

Today is just... strange...
I went through a hell lot of, how do I put it....reflection? Yeah, maybe. I did so little and yet, it was as if I've been through a lot. I'm really not sure how to put it, though..haha
Anyway, I completed the last part of my design work. Totally uninspired, that's the phrase to describe it. While cutting the papers and pasting them, my hands were shaking sooo much I had to stop a few times. I couldn't get anything creative out of my head, too. In the end, I just did it for the sake of finishing up the work...It's due tomorrow anyway. I watched a movie today, again. It was plain awesome! "Before Sunrise"... Ok, it's a little embarrassing for me to say this, being a guy and all, but it's one hell of a romantic movie. LOL...so strange but throughout most of the show, I found myself laughing and smiling....all by myself! *Mad*...Anyway, there's supposed to be one movie before this one called "Before Sunrise"... Actually I should've watched this one first, but guess I'll just check it out tomorrow. All in all, watch it if you have the chance...
Oh... I found myself playing my guitar, too. It had been about maybe...2 months at least since the last time I played it. It was really nice. I returned to writing a lot of my thoughts down as well. Poems, songs...all the BS that I do...hahaha. I kinda miss them.... Again, it's been quite some time since I last do something like that.
I also realised how much of a hazard I am in the kitchen, haha. I was frying chicken just a while ago. The oil was ready, so I put a piece of chicken fillet into the frying pan. It slipped off my hand and dropped into the pan so hard that oil spilled onto me. It was freaking hot. Now, I have burnt marks on my wrist, forearm and chin. Thankfully there's no blister, though. I hate that.

Funny til I can't laugh

I've been feeling really lethargic for the whole day. I got up kind of early, at about 9.30, and couldn't go back to sleep. I ended up watching Resident Evil:Apocalypse, a DVD that my brother borrowed yesterday. Seen it all before, so nothing much. Afterwards I tried doing a bit of work. Spent hours doing things that could have been done in half on any other day. Weird....
Got so bored so decided to watch Troy, thanks to my brother again. Same thing, seen it all before. Multi-tasked: watched and did design work at the same time. Unsuccessful~~~~
Fell asleep after that. By the time I woke up, it was about 7pm. Went out for dinner and stopped by the movie rental on the way back. Returned and borrowed movies, namely Excorcist and Before Sunset. Watched Excorcist when I got home. A nice show, though pretty gruesome.
Gosh... I'm so....not in the mood to do any thing. On tv, 3 channels are showing the royal wedding. Sigh...
I'm trying to think of what to do tomorrow. My mind is blank! There's no plan in my head whatsoever. Damn, I don't want it to be like today. Ok, at least I know I have to go grocery shopping. The food in the fridge is running low and I just finished the last drop of Pepsi. Man, I drank it like I did water...

City tour!

Man, I just woke up from a 2-hour sleep... Went on a city tour with the two borhters from my class after school today. It was really tiring, haha. Their house is, like, in the middle of the city! From the balcony of their 39th floor apartment, you can see so many things!
We walked from the house to places like Chinatown, Darling Harbour, walked on this bridge that I can't recall the name, cut through the biggest park in Sydney which I, again, can't remember the name (LOL). We ended it all in a Japanese restaurant that is so famous that people usually have to line up for the seats. We were lucky, though, we got a seat instantly without having to wait! The whole trip was awesome!
Phew, the first week of school is over... It felt like forever. Don't know why, but it felt like the longest week! It's really fun afterall. Unfortunately, from next week onwards, serious assignments will start to come in! It seems that the Design students are reputable for having the most assignments from the Design studios. I mean, every teacher used this reason to give us less work! They'll say something like, "I'll try not to give you a lot of work because I know that all of you are going to have many design projects in the coming weeks"! My english teacher even said something about us having bags under our eyes, from lack of sleep, so large we can go grocery shopping with when the "Landscape" project comes! Gosh, scary!

Sunshine again

I felt really silly for putting up the previous post. Things aren't as bad as it seems, honestly! Today was like the best day so far ever since I got here....
Somehow, everyone in my class (there are only 10 students actually... 3 from Hong Kong, 2 from China, 2 from Japan, 1 from Sri Lanka and 2 from Thailand) really started talking to one another for the first time. I mean, as a class, you know. What happened was that, today we had a lecture at this really hidden corner of the Uni. All of us had a map bustill, it was pretty difficult to find. There's this guy who said he was quite sure where the place was. So everyone followed him. We went into an auditorium and everyone inside looked so... senior-like. One of the girls asked the lecturer and, yeah, we were in the wrong class. So we had to continue finding the right one. At that point the girls and the guys separated coz one of the only 4 guys went to the toilet. The girls went ahead while another guy, who's also my closest friend here right now, and I waited for the toilet-man to come out. Anyway, we ended up getting lost and couldn't find the class. By the time we found it, it's 15 mins past the time when the lecture began.
After the lecture, there was a lunch break. For once, I went to have a meal with my classmates. It was really cool. They, the two Chinese who are also brothers, said they could bring me on a city tour tomorrow because they live in the city. Of course I wanted to go! Haha.
After that we had a tutorial. While waiting for the teacher, the whole class started talking about getting into the wrong auditorium. It was really funny. Had a really great chat with the classmates.We even exchanged phone numbers and birthdays, too! Oh, and the half Jap-half Spanish girl invited us to her friend's party tomorrow. Man, what a timing. Two plans on the same day. Don't know if I'm going because initially I'm going to the city with the brothers, LOL. Can't believe my luck.
One really really sad thing was, during Design tutorial, the teacher told us that 2 of us are going to be moved to another design class to balance up the number of students in each class. Apparently, the other class only has 5 students. The teacher asked for volunteers and gave us a week to think about it. Sigh, just when all of us are warming up to each other... No one wants to go, and everyone knows that if there's no volunteer...the teacher's going to randomly pick out the unlucky ones... Damn it!

Cyclone ride...

Nothing special today. Maybe it's just, for unknown reasons, I somehow noticed more and more people enjoying themselves during lessons. Jealous? Maybe...
I don't know...Earlier in the morning when I walked to my lecture, I worried about things like "Who am I going to sit with", "Am I going to meet anyone new"...blah blah blah. I'm not a worry-wart, but I couldn't help it. Last year, I wouldn't have such a problem. I have a great bunch of friends. Every morning when I go to class I know there're familiar people. I could even plan what to do after school, you know? Like where to go and stuff. Damn it, now it's like...I just want to get classes over with and just go home. Sigh...
Still, it's just the first week right? Hope it's going to get better real soon. I'm just not really used to this.

School School

Wow, two days of school went by just like that! Haha, meeting new people in most of the different classes too.
Beginning wih yesterday. Had English, math lecture and Design lecture and tutorial. Math was soooooo boring. Throughout the whole lecture, we studied about numbers (whole, natural, rational etc)!!! Man, can you believe it!? Hahaha... so yeah, had math tutorial today, too. The teacher asked us to do excercieses based on what we've learned from the lecture. Man, the bore. English lesson was kinda fun, though. Learned about the different forms of language. Basically, it's quite similiar to letter writing whereby you have to use a formal tone and stuff. Design, now, it was so long. For the first hour the teacher talk about the different aspects and elements of design. Also it's principles and examples. Balh blah blah, haha, and after that it was down to real practical work. Got my first asignment, too.
Today, mostly we did Computer studies. The last 2 hours of the day was spent by the teacher teaching us the basic programs of the computer *yawn*. Later we had to write a letter with proper format and stuff. All pretty basic stuff, actually. Glad!

Ready or not, doesn't matter!

So, mate, tomorrow's my first day! Wow...can't believe I'm saying this but, I have to prepare my school materials later. How long has it been? Oh haha, guess it doesn't really matter. Ready or not, tomorrow's the day.
Let's see, English tutorial at 9.00-11.00. A break in between and then Maths lecture at 1.00-2.00 followed by Design at 2.00-5.00! Oh, haha, happens to be the longest day of the week, too!
Oh well, have to get use to the new lifestyle...

Progressing

Hmm, what can I say! I mean, not much is going on, actually. Except for, maybe, my brother's friends come to the house often to do their group work and research. Sometimes it gets kind of suffocating to have so many people in your house all the time, but I'm not really complaining though. It's totally cool by me.
Oh, made a membership for the DVD rental store nearby. Haha, that's where most of my money will be going off to, man! Seriously it's kind of expensive and I really need to control myself not to borrow movies all the time. Anyway, felt really embarassing today when I went to return the DVDs. There was supposed to be a returning box in front of the shop. I, of course, didn't see that and walked directly towards the counter. On my way through from the entrance to the counter, there was this detecting device that you see in supermarkets. So, yeah, the alarm went off! LOL, it was so funny!
So....lesson learnt!