Standing still.

What can I say? I'm so bored now. I have my design work to do, but I want to let my teacher check if it's on the right track. Don't wanna risk ruining the work. So I'll leave that for tomorrow.
Gosh, cards cards cards. The thought is really bugging me. Was trying to contact another bus service Lost&Found depot, but I think it doesn't operate today. I couldn't get through. It's a public holiday afterall.
Oh man, it's so gloomy today. Not doing any good to my mood at all. It's only now that I really know what it means to be lonely and insecure. Before, just a click on my mobile and I can talk to someone. Haha, missing those days already.
Don't know why, I have to do something all the time. I can't seem to sit still. It's so annoying. I feel really uncomfortable to just sit down and let it be. It's like, I have to find myself something to do. It's horrible. However, I am always progressing with my assignments. Which is a good thing, of course.
Wahh. Who am I? Why am I here? What if.....? Too many questions. Useless to ponder over them, duh. It's scary how time changed me. I'm becoming so different each day. I feel and do things which I'd never imagine myself being capable of. Maybe it's just a rite of passage or something. A period of time when I move on to adulthood? Hahaha, nonsense. It's too soon! Also, I don't think I'm the type who's very mature. Haiz.
I really want to do something, but don't feel like studying. So I'll just go on. So, where was I? Haha, yeah... time. I find myself to be more competitive these days. Maybe just a little, but I really hate that kind of attitude on anyone. Well, maybe it helps to motivate you at times. Though, I think many of the disputes between individuals are also caused by this. Anyway, I really don't want to become like that. What else... oh, has anyone notice if I became more defensive? I don't know, I just have this feeling that I'm always guarded about everything. One wrong step from someone and I'll either withdraw to my comfort zone or snap back, the latter not being very nice, of course. What else is there? Breaking down? Well, that happens all the time since years back. Now it may be more common, though usually started off with an alcohol boost. Sigh, reminding myself not to do that anymore. It's dangerous. Who knows what I'll end up doing?
Just a little bit more, have this feeling that I'm forgetting something. Not sure what. Anyway, I'll just move on. I'm really scraping the barrels to fill this up. Good for me. Making sure that I'm not hiding anything deep down.
It's so funny to think about the rut I'm in. In Maris Stella years, I had academic obstacles. Scoring, more like getting a pass, in as many subjects as possible. Friends were a big part in everyday life. Both good and bad, haha. Way too many things happened in one year, guys. Not sure how we made it through. Anyway, now, I think it's the total opposite. I'm cruising through my assignments. Well, I'm not THAT well off but surely better than before. I still face everyday obstacles, but this time it's solely on myself. Like, everything that happens, it's all me. I'm tackling all MY problems on MY own. Unlike the times when shit was thrown by one person to another. Not a very nice image, but get what I mean? At least at those times, there were always people to fight through the problems together. That made things much easier. It's so different now. How many times in your life can you find someone new to listen to all your problems and understand you? I think everyone is fortunate enough to just get one opportunity, and I think I already used up mine. Yeah, I seriously think so.