All alone....in my room....

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream,

of a place where nothing's harder than it seems...

Oh man, being all alone has it's pros and cons... While I got to do whatever i want, however I want and whenever I want... I have loads of possibilities too. Hey, it's kinda fun still. I can blast music in the house without disturbing anyone. Wish I can live like this soon... haha... but provided there's more to be done at home by myself.

Anyway tonight's the last night before my guardian comes back tomorrow. Damn... the saddest thing is I got to sleep early because I have TOEFL tomorrow. One consolation though, after trying out a few sample papers I actually find the test pretty basic. Hmmm just hope everything goes well tomorrow and that the room isn't too cold or anything. -_-"

Oh no, I'm out of things to blog....so soon... hope I have juicier stories next time. Haha...

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life...

lala... lala lala lala...

Woke up so unusually early this morning and unable to get back to sleep. Guess I'll post something then, as it's been quite sometime since my last posting.

So anyway, this is a brand new start! Smile and face the world! Haha.... and I'll be home alone until Monday coz my guardian and her family went to Malaysia... How cooooool is that?!?! Haha so I asked some pals over to stay for the night.

One thing though.... next Monday is my TOEFL test. Crap, I'm not even sure how to prepare for the stupid thing. All I know for now is it's a 4-hr English test which comprises of listening, reading, structured and writing.... -_-" Oh well....guess I need to do some research on it.....

Broken...

I miss you...Miss you so bad.

Won't forget you...Oh it's so sad.

I hope that you can hear me...

Coz I remember it clearly...

The day you slipped away,

was the day I found it won't be the same...

Finally this day has arrived...

No, I never looked forward to it. I hate it so much. If only this is a dream. Yeah, how good that'd be... It is, of course, impossible. It can never be a dream for I was there at the airport... felt the lost and even cried my heart out too. Today Daniel, one of my best friends ever, left Singapore. Destination, Canada... I can only wonder when we'll meet again... though I pray hard that it's real soon.

I'll never forget everything that happened within the short hour at the airport today. A group of us went there after a briefing in school earlier in the morning. Ping, Des, Beng, Ash and Andrew... We did everything as if it was normal. Had lucnh at Mcdonald's and talked non-sense just to get a good laugh. However, throughout I could't help but reminded myself that that would be the last time.

We took lots of photos too. It was fun, really. For a while there I was really able to let myself go. Time's precious and I made sure that I made the most out of it....

When all's done, we found ourselves at the departure hall once again. It was an akward moment. No one wanted him to go but at the same time knew full well that there's nothing that can be done. For me, I tried to tell myself to be strong. I felt really sad inside but i forced myself not to cry. Before today, I had imagined so much about how this would feel like. I realised that I was a fool. What I experienced today was far worse. Seeing him and Nicky through the glass panel in the departure hall...it's a scene that scarred me for life. I almost cried then, but managed to fight back my tears. Soon Dan called me to say goodbye to everyone. At the very moment i told him 'good luck', I just broke down. I didn't accept the reality until that very second. It just, in a way, forced me to accept the cruel truth. Apparently it's one that I couldn't handle too... I couldn't remember the last time I cried so much...

Dan, if you're reading this, I just want you to remember that no matter how many years from now, I'll never forget you. I'll always remember everything and cherish all those memories. You will always be that special friend in my life. Nothing will ever change that, you have my word. When you need someone, I'll always be around to do as much as I can to help. At this point, it is only the beginning not the end. As you once told me, ' Absence makes the heart grows fonder'. Good Luck in everything you do. Pursue your dreams and hope that you acheive them. Keep in touch... We'll meet again someday!

Here's a song that i wrote... I hope you like it ^__^

LAST FAREWELL

V1: Didn't catch those words, can you say them again?

I'm not gonna laugh, don't leave them unsaid

They mean as much to both you and I

What's on your mind

Coz after today there's nothing, nothing but goodbye

As we are standing here let us make a promise

CHORUS: From this very moment wherever we may be

We'll never doubt those we call friends

Cherish them until, until the end

We laugh and we cry while hands wave goodbye

V2: Those jokes we made and those pranks we played

Brought countless smiles to our faces before

So why now my friends, memories make you cry?

Don't be afraid

Coz you are not, not the only one

V3: We are screaming inside saying that it's a lie,that it's not true, that it's not goodbye

But in reality it's just right there, it is happening right before our eyes

Is it gonna be the same? Seems like nobody knows

Nobody knows, but soon we'll all know..

ENDING: Good luck in whatever you. My last farewell from me to you

Change of Events

I don't know how I feel,

tomorrow...tomorrow.

And I don't know what to say,

tomorrow...tomorrow,

is a different day....

And I know I'm not ready,

Maybe tomorrow...

When i just learned about blog, at first i really thought that it's really lame. Now, however, I finally realised why people want to use such a thing. You see, I think that people who use blog are those who want to be heard... yeah. Regardless of what issue, I think that everyone should have that somebody to talk to as a form of 'unloading' burden. Blog comes in handy when you don't know who to turn to...

Long ago i realised a number of my negative qualities. One being over possessive and jealous at times! Haha yeah...scary stuff. Secondly is maybe that I can be pretty hard to please. Thirdly is my occassional tendency to be 'cold' towards others around me. Like somehow I exude this unfriendly aura or something I also have a fear of not belonging. In other words, you can say that I'm always afraid of being left out to be left out. Well, this probably stems from what happened to me in my family when i was just a kid. Anyway, i've always made a point to overcome those stuff. Today, though, I think i failed in all. So my point is, it's a hell of a bad day for me. I know that it's really childish and stupid, but somehow i can't help but feel so alone....very.

I mean firstly i meant it literally... I'm the only ward left in my guradian's place now. Everywhere is so quiet. Two rooms on next to mine are all dark. Not that I'm complaining but it somehow just add into what I'm feeling inside. I always want to have my own space, you know, like a place where i can be all alone and just think and daydream to myself. At the same time when this feeling really comes, I may just break down... Told you i'm hard to please....
So i guess it'll be a dull night for me. Long and dull. Sometimes the simplest gestures are the most profound. Although I may not have an answer all the time...but questions like "Are you Ok?" or "What's on your mind?" really mean a lot. Now more than ever, I really wish someone will just say those things to me. Hearing them from a friend usually means half my sadness gone. Instead, it seems like none is coming my way anytime soon. Yeah, I'm just having another one of my bad days... Right.... There are always reasons for them.

Still, I felt like a burden to a number of people today. Sorry to all. I really don't want it to be this way considering the little time I have left...

WHEN IT"S OVER>>>!

WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER!
WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER!
WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER!
^_________________________________________________________________^

Wahaha Yeah baby! Freedom at last! The feeling rocks! Sooooooooooooo damn relieved! Hehehe hahaha
Now it's full blast, 100% forward crazy-party-have fun-let go-heck care time!

HURRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHI B mania

Alright from this point onwards contdown has just begun. 2 more days to the end of 'O'.... ok actually it doesn't end till next Monday but hey I'm talking 'effectively ends' here. Besides that, there also a few other countdowns.... but I'll leave them alone. Figure it out yourself, shouldn't be too hard ><
So anyway latest update on life, did my Chi B papers this morning! What a waste of time! Yeah seruous... even the invigilator let us (Den and I) start early so "We can end earlier".... hahaha
Sigh, got to go back to study mode after hibernating for sooooo long.... hahaha 2 more days.... I can make it!
*Hush**Hush* My little project is almost done too.... half-way there!! Just need to get the materials and I can start with the contents... shouldn't take me too long... Muahaha So far I'm pretty contented with the cover page.... well considering i don't have much experience on this kinda stuff... We'll see in a few days time, though!

Rejuevenated

Aloha... Man, I like this feeling. After two 'sad' postings, finally i'm able to kick the feeling away! BYE BYE!
Haiz... after every obstacle you emerge a stronger person. That means I just levelled up! Hahaha you all beware...
Ok enough non sense, just to tell all those that tried to support me that it worked! Thanks guys, you know who you are!

My Plea

Damn...i feel dead.
So far up till now the day has been so useless... and i forecast that it's going to remain the same throughout. Maybe, but hope not, it may even be like this for a few more days. I can't really study. Lost all my motivation that I once posessed at the beginning of 'O'. Too many things on my mind... Left-right, up-down, where can I run? Worse, I'm beginning to doubt a lot of things I thought i trust. How naive....
Must be outside influence playing with my head! Yeah, been telling myself that too. Still, I can't shake the feeling. It scares me how affected I can be when there's a turn of event. After all that I've been through, shouldn't I be more comfortable under my own skin now? Well, who am I kidding... "No one can hurt you without your consent"... great saying but hard to follow! If only I'm made more of stones rather than flesh and blood.... That way I woudn't have to feel so much about small petty things.
Crap, whine and whine again! Shit....but what to do? At this rate sooner or later I'm going to explode! I hope it's the former... That way I'll be out of this misery faster... Sigh~~~~

AIRPORT issue

Great news for me... I managed to extend my com's life afterall! ^____^ Yep I just added valuable days to its miserable life! Haha once again I can use the internet... Hip Hip Hooray! (...)
So anyway today I sent my sister and cousin off to the airport. Since the beginning of time, airport is one of my most dreaded place. You see, everytime you go to the airport it can either mean 1) You are sending someone off or 2) You are leaving someone to another place far far away. Both cases have one thing in common, it sucks big time! Of course there are instances where you get to meet someone, either you are picking someone up or having someone to pick you up (which is really nice). However, from what i know, it's usually the 'not-so-good' factor. Roughly that's why i don't really fancy airport very much.Besides I really don't like the idea of flying. Guess that contributes a bit....
Anyway so yeah that's probably one little fact about myself. What more is that today, I realised something that is quite disheartening... I don't think I'm ready to get into the details at this point. Plus, it's pretty hard for me to express what I'm feeling right now simply because it's still very much messed up in my head. Hmmm I really don't know how to put into words but maybe this, "How many people are SINCERELY willing to sacrifice for you?" This is suppose to refer to those people you trust, more directly to friends... I'm not pointing in any specific direction, before any of you think otherwise. Ok I'm not meaning this is a super dramatic fashion. "Sacrifice" as in willing to help or do things without hoping for returns. Moreover, someone who really take you for who you are and is willing to overlook flaws. Of course I'm not saying that I'm a perfect role-model for teens of the new generation or anything, but this is just what is going on in my head right now. If you find my points scattered all over the place, it is truly understandable. I'm really just desperately typing out how i feel -_-"

I'm Back!!

It's been sometime since i last posted... why? Coz I've been so darn busy! With what? My stupid gonna-die-on-me-anytime-soon com is having tonnes of technical problems! Haha yeah at this very moment I'm using my sister's com to type this out! Sigh... since everything happens for a reason, and now my com is screwed, does that mean I'm suppose to study more and stop using the com? Haha somehow it's not working, mate! More than ever i'm so distracted. So far i've reformatted my com thrice! Just did the third time a while ago... it'd better be working soon or something's really going out the window!
So what've been up to lately? Nothing! hahaha yeah, damn right!Sigh, since the one week break started, I've been feeling so exhausted. I can't sit down and do any serious studying for more than half an hour! Yep, bad sign, i know! But what to do? Everything is so dull now. Haha even this keyboard is so hard to type on! Nothing's going right anymore! Argh... (...nutcase...)

Stars*

Hey...up to this point i really have nothing much worth blogging. LOL so i guess i'll take this opportunity to post a lyric of my song here. (Yeah by your request, you know who you are ^__^)
Ok this song is titled 'Stars'. Before that let me get into the background of the song a bit. This is for you to get 'in the zone' before the actual stuff.
So anyway it's hilarious how this title came about. One fine day during a maths lesson, i was so freaking bored and was just looking for something to do... (the teacher was absent on that day, mind you!). What i did was asked my friend, Dan, to give me a word associated to nothing in particular. Apparently he gave me this word 'stars'... Haha from there i started writing a short piece of song. At first it was just non-sense but somehow the more i wrote the more I became engrossed. Basically that's how the song came about in the first place.
What make this song one of my favourites is actually who i wrote it for. This short song is dedicated to a very special person in my life. Although I have very little clue on who she was or how she's like, I really hope that she can hear me whenever i sing this song at night in my bedroom.The words are really from my heart and if only i can get a chance to say this to her, I'll be the happiest person alive. These may not make sense to others but to me, they mean everything. Let me just say that this song is for none other than my mom, who I'm sure at this very moment is watching over me from above right now>>>>

STARS

Called out your name but you didn't reply

It's not the same and i wonder why

Don't remember your face, not there in my soul

It's such a waste, you just had to go

At first i was angry, at first i was mad

How you did this to me coz i miss you so bad

But i know the truth now should've known long ago

You're always around even before i know

I'm never really alone

Just because you're not here doesn't mean you don't care

And I know all i have to do is look up to the sky,

to the stars, to where you are...

and you'll guide me there

"It will be alright", I can hear you say

Sleeping well at night coz you hear my prayers

Coz you hear my prayers

It'll be okay

I know you'll always guide me there

At last, a paper that i felt confident doing, hahaha! Yep had E maths paper 2 today and got to say it's kinda easy. If anything i dare say that it's a road to my first A...! Hahaha ya stop dreaming, better not to aim too high in case you are disappointed right? Sigh, tomorrow is chem... supposedly my 'favourite' subject. Looking at the noted now though, i really feel like going back to sleep. Just took a 3-hour nap lol....and now feeling so crap! very exhausted and giddy... well probably another reason for me not to start studying straightaway....
After the paper we went out to celebrate Eugene's birthday eve, well whatever that is! But haha had fun anyway. Ping, Des, Ben, Eugene(duh...), and I...not the usual combination i'd say. Didn't do much though, had lunch and fooled around, the kinda of things you'd do when you're high! haha
Sigh someone's getting older. Somehow I can't help but think of how far we've come. In a way, you know, you can put it as we've been growing up together. Yep, realise it or not, seriously all these times we learned a lot from each other and to a certain extent become more mature by all these things.... Ok I'm blabbering non-sense again (as usual). My point is, now that the end is coming (yeah, like it or not...) all those times seem so precious. Deep down i think there'll people who agree with me too. To me it's not the 'O' Level that scares me, but it's actually whatever that's going to happen afterwards. Sooner or later though, I'll have to face it head on....

Finally! I wasn't able to get into the site for sometime...Phew for a while there i was scared!
So anyway latest update: I SCREWED UP MY A MATHS PAPER 1...yep, big time! Ok there's nothing to elaborate further, I'm trying to forget about it anyway. One good thing that happened to me, though, was that during the paper (yeah you read it correctly, DURING), I wrote down this song. As it turned out, this song is arguably one of my most successful so far :p
Ok most of you may not know this, but writing songs is one of my hobbies. It's just to keep my small, insignificant life going, you know. Most of the time when i'm feeling extreme (sad, angry etc.) I'll just grab my book and start writing non-sense. Ok let's talk about the latest one that i wrote in the strangest of time. I called it "Like Me"...haha and defintely it was a sad sad song ( What do you think? i couldn't do the paper for crying out loud!) Part of it goes like this "I'm like a lost man, like a hopeless man, like me..." *sobs*
But hey guess what? I kinda felt better afterwards, haha! yeah im crazy... Likely it's because at the ending of the song, there was this sudden change of mood and i wrote down "Maybe i somehow just fail to try"....Hmmm interesting, isn't it? (Sure most of you reading this may not get what the hell I'm going on and on about)
The best part was that, when i got home i actually put in chords to the song...and somehow it turned out sounding quite great!In fact this is the only song with actual rhytm in it...guess it's a big success on my part! So i really don't know if yesterday was a good or bad day for me...I failed miserably in one thing but succeeded in another...Guess it kinda balanced out yeah? ~_~
Anyway, so far i have penned down 8 songs in total:

Last Farewell

Stars

The Way She Pretends

The Substitute

Let It Be That Way

Hopefully

My Insincere Apology

Like Me

(Looking like a back of an album, yeah? LOL)

I see the Light...

I'M....SO.....FREAKIN'.....DRAINED!

Breakaway

Hmmm i'm so glad to see that my blog is recieving 'overwhelming' response from people...haha (And yeah gotta agree that the word 'exaggerate' has never been more appropriate!) Anyway thanks all for visiting!
Sigh very sad to say that I MAY not be blogging any more stuff for the next 2-3 days or so ... This is due to my super-ultra packed exams schedule! Blame it on those guys who set this timetable, i mean i'll be dismissed at 6.00pm on Thursday! Sigh..... ~_~
One good news for me though...My roommate will be going home tomorrow (YES!) and will only be back like a month later (YES! x2) Haha, and no I'm not evil in saying this, believe me! He's a real pain in the ass man! And you'll believe me if you get to know him personally... But for now be glad that you don't! As i'm typing this out he's running about packing his bag frantically *point finger and laugh*

My Wishes

Today's is soooo unfair...but for once i'm not complaining! haha...coz while im typing this out, slouching in a cozy sofa....my friends are putting their heads on a chopping board battling it out against the evil chinese 'O' level papers! Good Luck Guys! Wish i could be there to go through it together with you all but at the same time I'm glad I'm not...haha ALL THE BEST!
Hey so much for thrash talking...tomorrow it'll be my turn.... sigh*... Its weird but believe me when i say that i can actually 'feel' the pressure, you know. Like somehow it has materialised and is now resting on my head.... crashing down is more like it. See how crazy i am at the moment? I dont even know what point im trying to make, for crying out loud!!! Argh...!
Ok ok cheer up, Thanin... I just need to push forward a little more and it'll be all over before i knew it!Yes... I've got to keep telling myself that! (....)
And before I forget... My special thanks to Daniel for your comments on my previous posts! Once again you helped remind me that someone's got my back, man!
(Ok maybe that sounds a bit wrong but oh well...haha...thanks again and gd luck, you're da best!)