Change of Events

I don't know how I feel,

tomorrow...tomorrow.

And I don't know what to say,

tomorrow...tomorrow,

is a different day....

And I know I'm not ready,

Maybe tomorrow...

When i just learned about blog, at first i really thought that it's really lame. Now, however, I finally realised why people want to use such a thing. You see, I think that people who use blog are those who want to be heard... yeah. Regardless of what issue, I think that everyone should have that somebody to talk to as a form of 'unloading' burden. Blog comes in handy when you don't know who to turn to...

Long ago i realised a number of my negative qualities. One being over possessive and jealous at times! Haha yeah...scary stuff. Secondly is maybe that I can be pretty hard to please. Thirdly is my occassional tendency to be 'cold' towards others around me. Like somehow I exude this unfriendly aura or something I also have a fear of not belonging. In other words, you can say that I'm always afraid of being left out to be left out. Well, this probably stems from what happened to me in my family when i was just a kid. Anyway, i've always made a point to overcome those stuff. Today, though, I think i failed in all. So my point is, it's a hell of a bad day for me. I know that it's really childish and stupid, but somehow i can't help but feel so alone....very.

I mean firstly i meant it literally... I'm the only ward left in my guradian's place now. Everywhere is so quiet. Two rooms on next to mine are all dark. Not that I'm complaining but it somehow just add into what I'm feeling inside. I always want to have my own space, you know, like a place where i can be all alone and just think and daydream to myself. At the same time when this feeling really comes, I may just break down... Told you i'm hard to please....
So i guess it'll be a dull night for me. Long and dull. Sometimes the simplest gestures are the most profound. Although I may not have an answer all the time...but questions like "Are you Ok?" or "What's on your mind?" really mean a lot. Now more than ever, I really wish someone will just say those things to me. Hearing them from a friend usually means half my sadness gone. Instead, it seems like none is coming my way anytime soon. Yeah, I'm just having another one of my bad days... Right.... There are always reasons for them.

Still, I felt like a burden to a number of people today. Sorry to all. I really don't want it to be this way considering the little time I have left...