I freaked myself out just now. Ok, so I started drinking. Not as bad as it sounds, but since yesterday I drowned a bottle each day. No, it's not a lame fashion statement. It just feels better with the boost.
Though just now, I was taking a shower. I sat on the floor and just let the water run onto my head. Then a thought crossed my mind. What if I could drown myself in the running water and just sleep forever? What happened then was I, unconciously, began holding my breath in the running water. Took me a while to realise and I jumped out of the shower when I did. Gosh, what's going on?
I'm scaring the shit out of myself with the things I do these days. I talk to myself and laugh at my own thoughts. I was so close to cutting myself while working with a pen knife for my design project.
Am I becoming a freak now? Or just over-reacting?
Fuck it all.
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3 comments:
Hey, yeah, I think all the new environment and the lonliness just caught up with you. If it's any comfort your not the only one with that problem. Well I don't drink, but other problems ur having? I have them too. It helps went u keep a personal journal. I mean blogging helps but its limited coz u know others are going to read it. Just get a piece of paper and jus write, even if it doesn't make sense. Then u can either keep it or throw it away. :)
BoO^boO says:
Hang in there thanin... It might sounds silly but if you believe in this thing about chinese prediction... that says that this year is not a really good year,in fact kinda worst for the rabbit...
I came up with this thought just because I have a lot of bad things happen this year... one after another sometimes many at once... and they're really driving me crazy...
Have you ever thought about maybe going for counselling or something? Coz' im sure your uni has one... I'm not pushing... but to me it helps a great deal... so i'm just saying it's worth trying. ^______^
count on me anytime... and hang in there. It's kinda a good thing that you share your thoughts u know, coz if you don't you will always think that you're the only one who is suffering the most but in fact there are a lot of others who are worst than you... take that as a comfort,k we all have to go through it. And look on the bright side, perhaps this is like a trial for us, who knows after this we get to celebrate! :) Take care
... What the fuck happened? Thanin, relax, man... Don't forget what you told me about committing suicide... All of us here love you... So yeah... All I'm saying is leave those to me... As for you.. You gotta stay here, man... I mean.. come on... I don't know what to say, but.. You're not going anywhere, man... Your sister is already in heaven.. You know.. Michelle.. We need a piece of true goodness here on Earth.
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