Going to be travelling again

Had my last golf lesson today. Just when I start to put my heart and soul into the sport, it's over. Haha, seems like that's always been the case with me. Never know what I've got till it's gone. Haha.
Anyway there's this Thai song that I can't get it out of my head. The meaning is really great and I'd like to share with you guys. I tried my best to summarise and translate the meaning in order to post it hear. The title can be roughly translated as "That piece of Rock". The song talks about whatever we feel, it ultimately comes down to our own actions. Hold a piece of rock in your palm and cleched it into a fist as hard as you can. It definitely hurts, but whose fault is it? The rock or you? Now that you know, what are you going to do with that piece of rock? Are you still going to keep it, or are you going to throw it away as far as you can? There's nothing and no one that can hurt you as long as you don't accept and bother. You have to realise, to whom does your life belong to? When someone hurts you, it's because you willingly recieve the burden upon yourself.
Ok, the consept is definitely nothing original. Nothing can hurt you without your consent, the phrase itself sums up everything. The imagery in interesting though. The small piece of rock being the burden and hurt and how we hurt ourselves by squeezing it too hard. No matter what we do, the problem is always present, it's just jow we deal with it. Like in this case, we should just throw it away as far as possible.
So yeah, that's about. Not sure if you like it as much as I do, hahaha, excuse my translation for now I'm not strong in both languages!
Anyway, I'll be going off to Chiang Rai tomorrow. My father is going with some association or organisation...or whatever, I'm not really sure. He's bringing us along. It'll be a nice change, I hope. Heard the weather is suppose to be quite fine there, different from the heat in this area now.

For the third time, I'm busted

Just got home from a golf lesson that we didn't have. Yeah, we waited for close to half an hour and still the teacher ddin't turn up. When I called and asked, I was told that there was no appointment for today. Haha, it's my father who told them he would confirm the time for today's lesson. Somehow he forgot about it and didn't. My teacher just assumed that we didn't want any lesson today. So yeah, had a great car trip! -_-"
I wouldn't wake up so early If I had known this would happen. Though I'm not really tired of sleepy, right now my head feels weird. Probably coz I was drinking last night during a karaoke session. LOL, don't think I'd be doing that for a while.
There's just something I don't really understand at this point in time though. Honestly I don't really want to mention it like this coz if I did I'd surely create some tension among ourselves but the more I think about it the more I don't see why I should be the only one keeping it locked up. I'm just wondering why more and more comments that are negatively directed at others are being posted?

Backy back

How does one exhibit growth....

yet stay true to oneself at the same time?

Hmph, it's been way too long since I last visited this page!! Blame it on the stupid internet connection I'm using... I could never stay connected for more than five minutes! I couldn't even use my msn. Ever since the new version came out, I was forced to download it upon signing in. True enough, the constant auto-disconnection didn't allow me to finish the downloading every time I tried. Basically, i haven't been using much internet at all for a while. Felt so cut off from the outside world..!!!!!

Everything is QUITE fine now though, hahaha, and here's the proof for that. Finally got the latest msn thingy, though something seems to be missing. Anyway I'm happy enough to have an access to it again, though!

My eldest brother, Nithi, missed his flight to Australia yesterday! Haha, it was so funny. The thing was, he told everyone that his flight was at 7.30 pm. So we decided to leave for the airport at 5. When we were about to leave, however, he checked his ticket again and realised that it said 5.30 pm! LOL. There was no way we could get him there in time....luckily he got another flight on Wednesday morning instead. *Phew*

Oh yeah, since today's a special occasion, I want to dedicate this to someone:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU---HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU---HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CAROL---HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

Make a wish!

Re-charged

What's wrong with me these days? I keep losing my stuff. First, I lost my calculator last week. Then today, I lost the crucifix in my necklace. Though I'm not sure how it broke off. I also almost lost my handphone! I later found it in a car. Must have slipped out of my pocket. So much for my carelessness nowadays, it's really annoying!
Phew, todayI went out to play on a real golf course. All the things I said about giving it up, I take back my words! I had a great time playing today. Although it was freaking tiring. Played from 7.00 am-1.30 pm.... Haha It was exhausting. It's been quite sometime since I did any outdoor activity... Guess I'm just not really used to it LOL. Had a great sleep in the afternoon and later went to MK for dinner... So now I'm tired and stuffed! Talk about over-indulgence...
My brother is going back to Sydney this Sunday. Another member of the family less now that my sister's in Singapore. It's only a little while longer before it's my turn.
Anyway, guys, how can I confirm when the 'O' is coming out? I need to know before making any plans. Actually I prefer it on the 28th... prolong the apocalypse....

Numb

Man, I slept around the clock last night. 7.30 pm- 8.00 am this morning. Thanks to my teacher who cancelled the lesson this morning, I can just take a day to relax. Got a headache last night and if my teacher had not cancelled the class, I would have done so myself anyway. So yeah, lady luck smiled on me.
Yesterday my family went to this seafood restaurant. It was great, really really great. Besides the prawns which I could not take, I tried all the weird stuff. What happened next? I've been going to the toilet non-stop since! Man, talk about greed.
Anyway, instead of having a perfect day (taking away the headache and stomach upset), my brother is at home instead of school. His excuse? His eyes are itchy and red.... I'm speechless. He claimed that his school doesn't allow a student with such syptom to go. Whatever... that's just an excuse I've not heard before. As I'm typing this, he's now watching "Dodgeball"... Someone's got to teach that little punk a lesson. And, of course, that person is none other than me. It's just one of the unspoken rules in the house.
My calculator is missing too. What the hell... I was unable to do my homework yesterday coz of this. I tried looking for it again but it's still missing. Got to borrow from someone around here....

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home?

This sucks, I'm feeling unwell... It's just a common flu actually, plus a sore throat. Well, totally got to blame myself for over-indulging. Haha, too much unhealthy diets and late nights. LOL, so much for the uncaring lifestyle.

It sucks so bad. What am I if I can't eat a lot of junk food? LOL, when you have so much free time on your hand, you realise you eat to kill time!

What else is there to say?... Ok, yesterday I went to MBK with my sis and guess what we saw? The man-like shopkeeper that sells nice cheap clothes. Luckily she didn't see me. *Phew*

I'm thinking about school again. It'll be more than a month more.... :( Wanna start it so bad, I'm feeling like a jobless person. ~_~

Also, I don't know why I got up so early this morning. Not like I have anything planned out for the day. Probably laze around again. Well, maybe I'll start practising my guitar again. It's been soooo long. My fingers are stiff. Actually, I've been thinking of learning how to drive. It's been more than a year since I tried and I remember almost crashing into another car parked along the curb side. Haha, yeah maybe that's what I'll do!

Giving up!

Chinese New Year's mood is over. Got red packets. All is well! ^____^
Went for yet another golf lesson today, and what a sucky one it was. When I first started learning, it was pretty fun. After every lesson, however, I realise I'm stuck with the same problems here and there. My brothers are improving so fast! :( I only got to move on to learn new skills because everyone else is already learning it, and it is appropriate for me to catch up. Frankly speaking, I have not been qualified to learn new skills... -_-"
So yeah, after today's lesson, I'm thinking of giving up. Will be quite a waste but what's the point when I'm not enjoying the lesson? Well, at the same time I really don't think I should coz it'll be like giving up. Guitar-wise I've not gotten very far either... Just don't wanna seem like a total failure! Oh no damn it....
Anyway, tomorrow I'll be restarting my tuition class (Got a break since I went to S'pore). I still have a load of homework to do... Haiz....

Change wave!

Hey, got back last night. Was too tired to write anything though. So here it is....
Ok, I'm not going into the S'pore trip story. Not that it wasn't fun. In fact I had a great time, guys. It's the company that counts, though what we did together weren't remarkable. It's the same old non-sense, really, with me being the loan-shark for SOME people! Haha
Anyway, this blog will no longer be known as "Broken Window". According to Desmond, that's suppose to be some kind of gay porn site or something. To avoid any misunderstanding, I hereby announce that this blog shall be known as "Counting the seasons" from now on. Ok, so it's not a super-cool name or anything. But hey, I'm not really big on that stuff anyway... Would rather go for simple, meaningful ones.
Basically, "counting the seasons" just refers to the each and every passing day of my life. Just like this bloggy. This will be a place where I slowly (hopefully) show increasing maturity in every aspect of me.
Note to self, too. I just realised that all along, I've turned this blog into something else rather than, well, a blog! I mean I'm always mindful of who the readers are and whether they're going to be hurt by my entries and comments. Guess I'd make a change on that too, gradually. It may come out a little harsh sometimes, but I guess I have the right to express every thoughts here.

PS: The last paragraph wasn't directed at anyone in particular!

Forgot

~GONG XI FA CAI~

Leaving on a Jet plane

OMG....First Dan...now Des.... Is my English really THAT bad now??????!?!?!?! Guess it's about time I do something.... :(
Anyway, I'll be going to S'pore tomorrow... Feeling like going back to my comfort zone or something. Gonna do everything that I can within the 4 days of my visit! I'll be back on Monday night.
Really not much to blog... except maybe, Des....I really really can't find your Munchkins! SERIOUS! I don't know where it is! So Sorry! I still have some time to search before going to the airport tomorrow...so hopefully I find it... ~.~
I really wish that this visit will turn out well. Coz it'll be a long time before I can be there again...... Yeah, looking forward to see all of you...ALWAYS!

Current Status...!@#$%^&*()

Not much to report I guess. Last night I went for a karaoke session. Only my brother and I were there though. The room was huge, it's a restaurant/karaoke. There was a table in the middle and you can order real food (not peanuts). There were not many songs though, and the time taken to load each song was like... a minute? Which is way too long! The only good thing is maybe that Lyrics for chinese songs were in Thai... so I can read every word of it! Haha... but too bad most were Chinese oldies so I ended up singing only "Yue Liang" and "F4's Liu Xing Yu" ~.~
So far so steady is my life. Hmmm, when I'm not having tuition or golf, I read a book in my room....listen to music...take my dogs out for a walk...or just fall asleep. Yep, the old "afternoon nap" habit is back. I haven't been sleeping like dead in the afternoon since my Maris Stella years. I'm glad that it's back coz it's a good time waster... and who knows what I'll dream about each time I go to bed!
Today my tuition said that she prefered my old hair colour... haha... totally irrelevant huh? But so far many people liked the colour even though it was made accidentally... so yeah... sometimes it's better not to try to hard right? Anyway I'm not regretting or anything, got bored of the colour so I dyed it BLUE-black. I'm sooooo good at spoiling my hair...
Oh, this Friday I'll be going to S'pore too... Probably will be there at around 5... *hint*

I'm Back Baby

Hey, just got back home last night! Was too tired to blog anything immediately, though... Plus I had to finish my homework for today's lesson too. Anyway, since I have some free time now I'm gonna fill you in on the experience.
Ok, probably the two most interesting things I did were....well....illegal! Hahaha! The thing is, on Friday, we went to Hard Rock Cafe near our hotel. Lucky me, it was an "Open Mic Night". Patrons were invited to perform on stage with a live band! I didn't go up, of course! There was this hot chick who went up there though. Her voice was damn good too, she sang "Hotel Californoia" and "Zombie"...wow! Too bad she's already been taken! Hahaha.... What's more was that, during that time, I also drank with my brothers. Yep, so much so that I started to feel a little tipsy! I wasn't walking very straight and I said almost everything that was in my head at that moment! It was really crazy... Moreover, there was a sign saying "No Alcoholic Drinks for Under 18" or something like that right in front of me! Guess I look old though, haha!
Anyway, another thing was that, on Saturday, we went to Maccau. It was freaking nice, by the way, like a European city in an Asian country or something! Anyway, the point is that, the place is famous for its Casinos! And, of course, I got to go in, :P...... It was really interesting... although the one we went in was, well, quite not up-to-date... and eventually the smoke from cigarettes forced me to leave early... It was just too much. :( .... Although I didn't play anything, my uncle did and he won like HK$4500 or something... lucky night! Hahaha
Oh yeah, another freaking cool thing was, on our flight back to Bangkok, there was this in-flight lucky draw. My brother won! It was a free ticket or something like that, but the point is, upon my uncle's request, he got to sit in the pilot's cabon while the plane was landing....and he took me with him! It was awesome! A pilot's cabin! It's like in a movie where there're panels and buttons everywhere! And the view, man, it's a killer! I'll post up some photos if possible!
So anyway, on the whole the trip was really cool. Did a hell lot of shopping, haha. Bought a few clothes, a pair of shoes, a watch too. hahaha! Shopping spree...
Anyway, got to go for my tuition now. Will try to catch you all online tonight! Oh by the way, I'm gonna cut my hair and dye it black today! Lol, don't worry ,Keith, I'll still highlight it with you!

Strange Phenomenon

This is your life

Are you who you want to be?

I experienced something really strange today during lunch. Ok, I was at S&P (hope you guys remember). I was having a Tom Yam soup I think, so naturally I perspired eating hot food. However, the drink I ordered was a blueberry shake or something. One hot, one cold.... they totally clashed in my stomach! I was sweating but at the same time I was also shivering from the shake! It felt freaking uncomfortable! Still, it was kinda interesting too... LOL Maybe we should all try it as a 'Dare' someday... haha
Went to get my eyesight checked too. It was damn freaking tiring... I ended up feeling damn drained after. Think it took me about 15-20 minutes.... just to check ONE of my eyes! So yeah, I just sat at the table and stare at numbers and alphabets.... -_-"
Oh, I saw The Seed of Chucky recently too.... if anyone is interested. If you're looking for a comedy, then by all means go and enjoy the show. Looking for a horror flick? Visualising Grace Chan's face will be more effective! Haha

Da da da dum

Want to post something...but what? LOL out of things to post for the last few days! Damn it!
Anyway, I'm looking forward to staying in Australia. You know, by myself and the freedom and responsibilities! All the taste of life! Yeah, guess I've just come to an age where I'm looking for something more. Ok, maybe I've always been looking for something more, but probably EVEN more now. Hmmm, can't wait to get there, honestly.
The down side is probably the time I need to adjust to the new environment. Can't say for how long it's going to take me but hopefully I can settle down and enjoy as soon as possible!
So, roughly a month left for me before that happens. And before I know it, I'll be living in an apartment in another continent!!! Guess I've got to make the most out of being here for now too.
Anyway, Dan, got to say I'm freaking surprised by your comment! Not gonna ask you how or why the sudden change, but GOOD LUCK! Haha, who would have thought you are going to med science! I mean, someone was saying he's never going to a science course. Hahaha, hope everything goes well! Life is full of surprises, isn't it?

Frozen Dream!

Supposed to attend extra lesson today... but didn't. The reason's kinda weird too, haha. What happened was that I was caught in traffic. Yep, 2 freaking hours on a one-way road! I slept and woke up for I don't know how many times... haha, so many that I lost count! So yeah, couldn't make it for the class.
My stupid brother!!!! He accidentally saved his game over mine! Yeah, he didn't go to school because he's "sick"... When I got home from my little "adventure", he told me about it... It's an RPG by the way, "Shadow Hearts:Convenant" it's called. Like, only a few more areas and I'll complete the whole game! Damn! (Desmond, of all people, you MUST know how this feels like!) T-T....So yeah, don't intend to start over again.
Also, at first I planned to get a dog when I get to Australia. Since I'm going to be staying at an apartment with my brother, thought it's a good idea to get one...as a friend, you know. However, my brother asked his friend who used to stay there and sadly, no dogs allowed!!!! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH~~~~~!!!!!!!!
Well, he told me that's what the caretaker, or owner, I guess, said. So he said we can still try to ask the person about it. *Fingers Crossed*
Oh, about my Singapore trip, postponing it to around 4th of Feb...cheaper tickets! Hahaha... SIA, cheaper than Tiger's!!! ^________^
Anyway, I wrote a little something the other day, think it's kinda nice and true. Here goes:

-When Everything Goes Wild-

When everything goes wild

Down this crazy road

With cold eyes I search for someone

But the lights don't seem to glow

Sorry if I have to lie

My smiles may not be so true

But it is just a way for me

To feel safe all by myself

When everything goes wild

Words just don't appear

I want someone to tap these walls

Or make just a little sound

I really want to be found

Forgive the dishonesty

For I know not what or how I feel

But please don't say it's just me

Everything goes wild

All in disarray

I'm too afraid

Of what I'll say

I believe there are people who care

But now words just sound too empty

Slightest gestures are the most profound

Maybe that's what I need for now

When everything goes wild

I can't face it alone...

The end...

Had a break down today... Well, more like overwhelmed by emotions...
My brothers are coming back tomorrow evening instead of tonight! Damn, makes me want to go there even more! It's too late now anyway... what a waste. It got me thinking, though. I HATE ROUTINE! ARGH!
From now till end of Feb... I'll be doing the same things over and over! Lesson-Work-Golf Lesson-Work-Golf Lesson-Work-Golf!!!!! I'm gonna die of boredom!...
At home itself is... torturous! Ok that's a rude word to describe your own house but somehow it's kinda true. People around me are so very cold...not literally. Maybe an exception for Thanit who follows me around whole day long...feels like my privacy is destroyed... Sure there are fun times around here... but they are kinda empty.
To sum it up, the only one person I can turn to now is Palakorn... And that's what happened today... During today's golf lesson...I locked myself in the toilet and talked to him on the phone... Let everything out in one shot and you can only imagine the scene. Sigh, MISS YOU PEOPLE.... I feel so damn lonely, like no friend around here.... DAMN!

Left Behind

Sigh, another uneventful weekend... but this time it's much much worse. While I'm here at home with not much purpose.....my elder brothers are probably having fun in Phuket right now! T-T
Haiz the thing is, I could have gone! And,duh, I wanted to go along! There's a little problem though... and that is my younger brother, Thanit. He couldn't go because of school and stuff. Besides, it's quite an unspoken understanding that this kind of trip is more fun without him... No matter how cruel that sounds...
So, you see, since I'm the one closest to him and he'll probably followed me if I had gone and no amount of reasoning and persuasion are going to work, I got to be kinda like a sacrficial person and stayed behind. Yep, that's what happened....and here I am. Sigh~~~
Anyway...since it's an "uneventful weekend"...nothing much could have happened. And that's exactly what's going on too. Went for a 2-hour golf lesson today and that's about it.... Another two tomorrow... Probably no plan pf doing anything else whatsoever...
AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH~~~~~~~~~

Black out attack!!!

Look at me

You think you may see who I really am

But you'll never know me

Everyday it's like I'm playing a part

Went for my second golf lesson today... Finally had some improvements! Haha, well... instead of 1 out of ten...I had like 1 out of 5 balls going in the right direction and covering a good distance. LOL but I'm still trying! Today was very tiring though... think I'm going to get blisters on my hands soon too... :S

After a long long time I finally went back to work today. Suppose to be there at 1pm but instead my eldest bro and I reached there at 2pm. Lol... and guess what, while doing some work on the computer for like 2 hours straight, the whole place just blacked out! Yeah, for like a second... and that was it... everything I did was gone! Hell, I was fustrated... and my brother too. His work was completely destroyed. Haha so after that we spent the last working hour in the cafeteria eating and chatting! Yeah, couldn't be bothered to redo everything...save it for tomorrow! Haiz... I still have to complete my Maths homework for tomorrow's lesson... Differentiation! Haha!

Routine breaking!

These children that you spit on

As they tried to change their worlds

They're immune to your consultaions

And they cry away what they're going through

Today's the third day that I've not been to work... haha better not make it a habit or else I'd be so dead. But still, I'm not complaining! Got back straight from my tuition today... so once again I have the whole day to myself. Wonderful....

Yesterday I went to my first golf lesson. Two things... First, it's much more tiring than I expected. Seriously, all the swinging practices really deained me out. My father said it'd be very tiring if I don't do it the right way as it'll strain the muscles or something. Obviously I've not been doing it correctly LOL...but hey, it's only my first time so... it's not really my fault right? Haha... And secondly is that it's much more fun than I thought too. Before that I pictured a boring lesson and stuff. How wrong...hahaha though I might not get everything on my first try, it was pretty fun. Looking forward to the next lesson!

Other than that, hmmm not much else interesting except for maybe...well...I'm playing the Incredibles on PS2 now and it's really hard at some point :S Haha, honestly I expected some kiddo game and all...but hell no I got stuck at one boss for damn freaking long and now I'm stuck with another one so much that I gave up playing last night!!! -_-" Yeah, gonna (try to) destroy it later today... Hohoho

I need some sleep

I can't go on like this

I tried counting sheep

But there's one I'd always miss

Well, I stayed at home today. Went to neither class nor work... Woke up in the morning and felt really weird. Like I was so damn tired... maybe a little sick ,but it's not like the kind of serious sickness that usually makes skip class... Whatever it is, I went back to sleep. When I woke up again....it was like 11am. (WOW) So yeah, ended up staying at home. Hey, maybe this is my "time-out" period. Hehe, guess enjoying this once in a while won't kill.

Anyway, despite everything, pumbling system at my house sort of like broke down... Well, water doesn't run or at the luckier times...very little. Sigh, So much for my happy ending.

Oh, I'm still trying to get a ticket to S'pore. Planning to go there at the end of this month... or latest the first week of next month. Hopefully schooling people will still be free enough to go out and stuff... or else what's the whole point of going there, right?

My new ROUTINE

Poverty stole your golden shoes

It didn't steal your laughter

A heartache came to visit me

I knew it wasn't ever after

Ok, so far I've not been to the doctor yet... but it's scheduled for next week or so. Oh well, I'll leave the matter as "pending" for now.

Up to this point, probably the most 'happening' thing in my life would be the major change in my schedule.... From now on I'll have to go for class on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Follow by work in the afternoon. Ok, the usual stuff. However, on Tuesday and Thursday, I have to go for golf lessons and then work in the afternoon. More golf lessons on Saturday and Sunday. So basically, I only work in the afternoon and don't have a single day in a week without any plan. Which really, really, really sucked.

The past few days I was complaining to myself how boring life is getting. I work for 5 days without much time to do anything else. Weekends see me not doing much but just sit and rot at home. The reasons are quite simple... there's no one to go out with...well...kinda. When I go out with my brothers, we always have different interests. So far our last few outings, I was the only one who came up with suggestions on what to do and they'd just nod their head. It really made me uncomfortable coz I felt like pushing them around to do stuff. That's why the idea of going out with them is kinda...dreadful.

Now that my weekends are occupied too, sigh, I can only imagine the horror... I wanna be going out and about more...hmmm... I'll see what I can do.

One consolation though, I don't have to wake up so early for work anymore! ^________^

Bad sign...

Finally a Saturday... which means 1)waking up late 2)Going out to have fun 3)Play like crazy and lastly 4)Sleeping late! (Very important!)....
However, either today or tomorrow, I'm going for a check-up or something. This is really scary, but I suspect that I have a migraine. See, I always get this sudden jolt of headache in certain situations. The most common ones are when I'm stressed out or pissed off. Crowded places with a lot of people also give me the same headache, especially small and cramped rooms. Loud noises can also do the same thing to me, though less often.
Whatever it is, it's really annoying and sometimes can be damn painful... like needles jabbing at my brain or something... and no, I'm not being dramatic. The most recent one was during a meeting in the office. The place was really small and the argument was so damn feirce... and yeah, true enough my head was assaulted again.
Been having this for at least a year now but I didn't tell anyone in the family. Firstly coz I thought it's nothing and will pass eventually. Mainly, though, it's because I doubt anyone will believe me. My elder brothers will probably think that I'm overreacting and not tough enough or something. My father,well, would not take it seriously. But I was wrong on this one though :P.... After Palakorn's encouragement, I finally told my father about it. Surprisingly, he told me that he'd take me to a doctor one of these days.... So yeah, kinda glad...both ways.
Haiz just hope everything is fine...ok, it can't BE fine but hope it's nothing too serious....


PS: If this entry is a little weird in terms of writing and spelling...well, for your info, I just woke up! LOL

Nothing to Blog...

Hmmm... I really don't know what to blog today... but somehow I really feel like posting an entry. Guess I'll just post a song here... This one's called "My Insincere Apology"... Many of you would be able to guess where I got the inspiration for this song from... :P

V1:Everytime you turn around and look into my eyes

You made me realised you think i didn't try

But how am i suppose to say you're so wrong?

Everything that i say will sound like denial

For i know i'll be met with your disapproval

So how are we suppose to move on this way?

CHORUS:I can't look at your face and you don't hear what i say

So tel me, tell me what's my error today

My insincere apology is what I'm throwing at you again

Right back at you

V2:Communication is dead, you and I both know this

Don't bother wasting your time, Let's get this over with

In the end I'll be giving in anyway

V3:I'm so sorry, sorry for the right things i did wrong

So don't worry, it's perfectly fine if you just smile

You think you're never wrong

Closing my eyes, i really cant see why...

First tuition of the holiday!!!

Today I went for my first tuition class of the year! It's interesting how I'll take note of everything I do nowadays... the first_____ of the year... But in a way it makes everything I do more interesting too! Hehe
So anyway, the funny thing is, I'm actually using the same A Maths text for my tuition. Yeah, the dreadful, thick and pink one. Next year, I'll be covering many of the chapters from that text, you know. So, in a way I've the upper hand in math class next year...and hopefully by then I'll be able to score far better than what I did in secondary school.... hahaha.... Haiz...started differentiation AGAIN today, boring...but it also made me realise how much I've forgotten!
Went for class in the morning and went to work in the afternoon, too. It's really fun at work today.... I spent most of my afternoon at the construction site....just walking around and learning how certain things work... coz I'll need to do an installation check soon! It's kinda cool,too, to be walking in an unopen terminal building of the airport! Can't wait to see how it's going to turn out like... Plus, today I got to use the walkie talkie while wandering around the construction site....haha.... got to communicate using code numbers and stuff. Really fun! Like finally felt that I was active at the work place... Hope there will be more of it in the remaining 2 months!

Last day in Paradise

Why should I care...

If you dont care, then I don't care

We're not going anywhere...

Guess it'll take a while for us to adjust to the fact that it's now 2005... haha...somehow I kinda prefer the sound of two-o-o-four...but oh well.

Sigh, to many people today is the last day of a long holiday. Back to school for some of you. Haha, have fun... For me, well, it's back to work tomorrow... 8 am. to 5 pm..... One small change to my routine though, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday... I actually have to go for extra classes in the morning THEN go to work in the afternoon. This really sucks...I mean, I prefer going straight to work anytime! Haha, but hell, the classes are suppose to help prepare me for foundation year in Australia, which is not suppose to be THAT easy contary to popular beliefs (wow!)... So, yeah, guess it's better to be safe than sorry!

Well... so far I've been to the first karaoke of the year. The room was surprisingly comfy and well furnished! Haha, it's like I wouldn't mind having that kind of room to live in next time! It was freaking nice! Guess it's a good start to the year too, haha!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

~HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE~

Ok, despite the time differences among everyone... I still wish for everyone to have a great new year ahead of you! Yeah... leave behind all the troubles in the past. Forget the burdens...be it an issue or a person!

Hope that this new year will bring all the happy things for everyone... whatever dreams that weren't acheived in 2004 shall be acheieved in this year, 2005!!!!

So yeah, wish everyone a happy happy new year... and FRIENDS FOREVER!

End of year is coming...!!

Hey dad, look at me

Think back and talk to me...

Did I grow up

according plan...?

It's been so llong since I last posted... busy busy hehe :p

SO...nothing much to say actually... been having a monotonous week, like it's the same everyday. The routine is... wake up at about 6 in the morning.... go to work till 5... then comr home at 6 in the evening. Never really do much at home except for playing here and there. Lucky me there's Palakorn who's satying at my place... hahavso I don't have to face my annoying little brother alone... hmmm...strategy!

Anyway, work-wise... yesterday was the fifth day on the job an it's the first day that I did a field work. You know, out to the site and stuff instead of just cooped up in the office. Today's even weirder... I got into this loud meeting in the evening. Furthermore, it started when I was about to go home.... sigh... wasted my time... but it's in a way an experience too... so.. no pain no gain, right? LOL

Something really cool is that, since I started working... I'm regaining back my interest in architecture again. Just realised that I'm more of a hands-on person when it comes to work... so guess I'll be pursuing this course instead of psychology... ahaha... haiz, been changing my mind for so many times. I'm going to stick to this one, though, can't be so fickled-minded ,right?..... ^_________^

Bad signs...

Who knows, what could happen

Do what you do, just keep on laughing

One thing's true

Tomorrow's a brand new day...

Guess this is kinda late... but still Merry X'mas people! Damn, it's so bored to be spending christmas time all alone without you all... and this year's dinner didn't really go well either...What happened was that, my father and my uncles had a rather fierce argument atthe dinner table. Well, for one, it's the first time I saw this kind of thing. My grandfather got pissed and went home... It's really different... After that all the conversations were less than plesant. I left the scene quite early though...Took the younger relatives with me away from the table, thought it's better they didn't see what went on. Sigh... after the whole thing,when everyone left,I asked my father about it. He said it's just an argument over differences in opinions.Work stuff... the airport job thingy... Huge project and apparently everyone's stressed out.I really don't know what to say... My father said the project's really important and all coz it will bring big progress to the company and blah blah blah... It's kinda sad to think thatthat they somehow ruined thier bonds because of work... Sigh, well, it's a crazy world...and money's first priority...

Well, I'm not better off either... in the last two days, I was criticised like shit! What'sworse was that I don't really agree with most of them. Ok, what happened was that my father "advised" me to control my temper... (???) What can I say?! The only thing I got angry about would be over my younger brother who's a real pain in the ass nowadays... Those who want to diagree, well, I'm not going to argue... He doesn't cling on to you all day long like what he does to me... The same goes for my father... The only person who would understand thisis my aunt, who stopped talking to my brother quite some time ago coz she couldn't stand him.So yeah, it's that bad....

The second thing's worse. Yesterday my aunt, brothers and I were talking over dinner. It wasfun and all...Until I wasn't sure what happened, but suddenly my eldest brother started tocomment on my work attitude... His phrasing was something like (to my aunt), "Do you thinkhe can do it?"... His tone was, I don't know, bad... His message,well, hopeless hopeless.He even mentioned something about me wanting to rely on my father for the rest of my life.Well, that's totally out... As many of you may know, I really want to be living off my own money as soon as possible. So... It really hurts to be misunderstood...

Oh well, it's almost new year. Better face all the bad things now, kinda like take away allthe negative stuff first so that only the good thing remains...

Mid-way through WORK!

OMG, I'm using a computer in the office to blog this! Hahaha.... definitely something that doesn't happen everyday! Second day on the job and still I don't have any regular work yet... Yesterday was my first day and I spent my time doing basic paperworks for other people, LOL. Sorta like clearing the simple jobs that others have no time to finish. Basically all I did was looking through the orders of the company, keyed in the data and checked that all items were delivered as they're suppose to... Spent hours typing and staring at the screen. At the end of the day I was half dead! Haha, but it's quite an experience too. For today, well, I spent the morning undergoing a briefing about the safety precautions and some really unimportant procedures. Well, they're important only if you're a constuction worker... which, lucky me, I'm not! So yeah, now I'm really free as no one assigned me any work yet... It feels so weird to be so relaxed and typing this out now while the others (including my brothers) are going about doing their work.
Wanted to blog down my experiences when I was in Beijing...but well it's been a few days and the excitement kinda left me. LOL, so I don't know but will mention what I remember. Few observations I made were 1) the people there speak DAMN fast... and with all their Beijing accent and my pro-ness in Chinese, It's kindahard to communicate! 2) the waitresses in many restaurants wear really really mini skirts! And I'm serious! 3) the place has no stray dog walking about. This is like S'pore except for the fact that the dogs aren't there not because the government got rid of them... but the people already cooked them for meals.... eeeewww 4) the people seemed really fierce and rude at first glance... cars honk like mad and people talk really loudly. Somehow, when I talked to them, they seemed really nice.... So I really don't know, haha. Oh and last, I climbed the Great Wall!! Yeah, but I didn't really go far, not because I was tired or anything but I started to get a headache the higher I went... probably due to the pressure thingy :( But it was fun and beautiful...
So anyway, back to work for me (hopefully I'll get to do some work around here or else I'll be free till 5!)

Welcome home!

Just got back from China... It was pretty fun. Most importantly, I experienced snow for the first time!!!! ^____^ YAY! It was a really close call... when we arrived at the airport at Beijing on the first day, apparently it just snowed an hour ago. I was like, damn it, what a waste.... Lucky me though, on the last day it snowed again. This time it lasted for the whole day till I left Beijing. It was really nice! Had a snowball fight with my siblings.... *Childish*
Anyway, really tired now. Plus, when we reached the house gate earlier, my father just dropped a sudden nuclear bomb on me. I'm starting work tomorrow! (Or rather, today since it's already passed midnight) I'll be working at the site where they are building the new airport... Yeah, family business has a part in this "big" project, so it's my duty to help out too, right? ( -_-" ) Sigh, don't even know how much I can help. My eldest brother is studying Civil Engineering, so his skill is quite useful and relevant. Me? Haha I don't know...serve drinks? LOL well, guess I have to wait till tomorrow to find out....
Going to bed, fill you all in about the trip in the next post!

I'm complaining!!!!

Stupid blog of mine... ever since I came back to Thailand, I can't seem to put up any posting onto my blog... Ok well somehow the first post manages to show after countless attempts at "editting" and "reposting"... but after that it's kinda hopeless... Really pray that this one gets through! Not sure what's the problem...if anyone can help, please post some comments... Thanks in advance!
Anyway today is, well, just another day I guess... Though I'm suppose to be going to a dentist later on, yikes! Dread going to the dentist... you open your mouth for someone to poke sharp objects into... Lucky that I never had any problems before as my teeth are suppose to be "strong" according to some previous dentists... but oh well... I have sensitive teeth! So yeah, really don't feel like going...
By the way, heard people are going to Eugene's BBQ today. Jealous! Hmph, I'll just stay home and eat my Boston Kreme.... LOL just joking... Have fun guys!
Tomorrow, I'm going to BeiJing and be back only next Wednesday... So will not be updating my blog till then. Hmmm... feel free to spam while I'm away! The greatest joy of a blog-owner is to see his blog full of comments and buulshit! ^_____^ (Keep out the "imposters" thingy though, it's kinda annoying!) So yeah, SPAM!

FRESH!

Another day goes by,
Never notice, just wonder why
You made me happy,
Made me smile...

Well, everybody's gone. I had a great time, and hope you all did too! Good luck guys... and see you all soon! By the way, Ping, I also want to thank you all the same... for everything thoughout the year. Been a real rollercoaster ride... well, although I don't ride such childish stuff anyway! By the way Des, think you forgot Munchkins at my place...LOL!!!!! Yeah I can hear you saying..... "DOOOOOOMED"
So anyway... right now I myself am preparing for yet another trip. This time to BeiJing... It'd better be fun coz I heard it's freaking cold there this time of the year! So yeah, will update again soon...

First posting...back at Home

Here's my first posting in Thailand... Took a little too long due to some internet preblems. Anyway, been back at home for , like, the fourth day now. I'm pretty much adapted to the fact that there's no more Orchard Rd and KBox and stuff.... but hey, I'll live. It's cool. So... being a tour guide isn't easy! Yeah, Ping,Keith, Des and Beng are still with me at my house. Been doing some shopping the past 2 days. Freaking tiring I'd say... and there are still more to come~~~! Haha, but nah...I'm not complaining... It's fun, really. Oh, my elder brothers just came home last night too. My whole family is back together for another year of family reunion... This is so coooool~~~ So hey, to all those who are expecting me online... really really sorry coz I'll be kind of busy out and about. So yeah, but soon I think I'll be online regularly. So, hang on!

A good note...

Over seasons coast to coast

To find the place I love the most

Where the fields are green

To see you once again...

Today is officially my last day in Singapore. This post will be dedicated to everything and everyone here...

The previous post saw me as a devastated lost little kid... hey, I'm growing out of it. Not saying that I'm not sad... but more like I'm smarter now. I shouldn't be afraid. I know there are always people there for me... contary to what I once thought. Stupid me... -_-"

First of all, I want to thank Bingy... I've been doing a lot of thinking of late and it seems that you were always there for me... yeah, like sometimes I didn't notice too... and after everything, a few hours ago, you even helped me realise a quality that I never knew existed in me. ( Yeah...I'm a "magnet") It was really wonderful of you to point that out. The last few hours we spent walking and talking last night... I really appreciate it a lot. It put a really great variation to this sad time....

A special thanks, too, to Keith. Haha yeah... for helping me organise the dinner and recommending the better-than-sakura place. Had a great time there. Food was ok too, haha... though some were not very edible to me! To Eugene, who cut short his training session in order to make it in time for the dinner. Thanks! I'm really glad... so hey, good luck for your competition today! Get a gold! Desmond Desmond... the boy who lived at pasir ris but went all the way to Dhoby Ghaut... must be a really boring ride for you. Thanks for coming man! Oh, those King of Fighters matches... we can continue when we get to Thailand... Haha!

Here I'm going to thank those who worked 'behind-the-scene'.... Firstly Dan, a thousand miles away didn't stop you from helping me.You went through this before me and to me, you are someone I can really count on for advices/consolations...You also prevent me from making maybe one of the biggest mistakes in my life. Same goes for Ping and Beng, thanks you guys for trying to recruit more people to go for my dinner. Though I may not really agree with the idea, you guys really did it out of good will! I'm really touched! No, Ping, not in that sense....

Sigh... so many things I'll miss. Can't believe time passed so soon. It's been one hell of a year... Glad to be ending this with a good note. Having some of you go to Bangkok with me really helped to make this trip easier to bear. Still, separation is invitable in the end... But hey, everything happens for a reason. Look at me, I retained... At first I thought it was going to be the end of the world. Then I met you great bunch of people and it's really worth it! Haha so yeah, I'm hoping for some higher purpose for this one too... So don't be so sad!

PS: "Absence makes the heart grows fonder"...

So here it is

Of all the things I believed in

I just wanna get it over with

Tears flow behind my eyes

But I do not cry....

Counting as the days pass me by...

A crazy day...

There was suppose to to be a steamboat dinner tonight... but I cancelled it. Well, lame of me... Funny too when I think about it. I was the one who thought of the plan for steamboat... co-organised with Keith... and in the end I cancelled the idea. People say I'm going to regret it... and I'm sure many went 'what the hell?...' and probably even got angry at me too...

I agree that I may regret it later... or I may not...who knows... I guess what I'm feeling now can't be expressed in words. You have to be in the situation to understand, and right now there's only one person I know who went through this before... Anyway, to me it's really scary. Would you rather go and see so few people show up? Or don't go at all? Ok maybe there will be people showing up afterall... but already Ping and Beng can't make it there... half the point of the dinner gone just like that. Also, if more people are needed to be invited in order to come, then I guess something's wrong. I mean, when so few people are going there willingly... I don't know, the thought is kinda scary. I'm already thickskin enough to organise a farewell dinner for myself anyway...

I don't know if there's anything left for me to say. Though now I have to agree that I'm going to regret. Not at cancelling the dinner, but being too naive for all these times.

What if I'm the "Villain"

We're taking each day, a day at a time

We can't lose our spirit...

Live and Let Live, Forget and Forgive

It's all in how you see it...

Today I woke up... thought everything over. What have I done so far? I mean, the end is approaching and it's like, have I been just wasting my time? It's just so confusing. Stupid, useless thoughts...

Just emptied my shelves and drawers. The room is so dead now, almost like the first day I just arrived. I'm feeling as if I'm making a quiet exit. Like nobody will notice and stuff. Really don't know why... So little time left and still feel like there are so many things undone, though I'm not really sure what... now that sucks big time. I can even see myself staying at home, staring at the window for the next few days. Darn, I'm carzy... and sad.... and crazy again. Feel like something is holding me back, and at the same time I know that if I don't do something now I'm going to regret this later. Can't just let time slip pass me by like this... but what's there for me to do? So many questions but no possible answer. Oh well maybe I just haven't found it yet. Yeah, probably will find out when it's already too late...
All in all is, have I done enough?... Well, not trying to be overacheiving or anything...
By the way, today is Father's Day is Thailand... Although we may disagree on many things most of the time, he is still my father. Many times I overlook the little things he's done for me... but when he makes the slightlest mistakes, I got really angry. Thinking about those times, I feel bad... so today I want to apologise for everything I've done, all the selfish thoughts and actions. Know I've given you lots of troubles (yeah, more than any other in the family).... Guess I'll call you up later... sorry that I couldn't be there to say this to you in person. Happy Father's Day...

Realisation...

Why do we never know

what we've got

Till it's gone...

'Im freaking tired...Been a long day for me. Went for dinner with my guardian and just got home. Without saying it I know it's a 'farewell' meal for me. Well, I'm leaving next Thursday... So yeah, it's very nice of her.

Desmond really did something for me today. For a while now he's been up to his secret 'Serene Center' item thingy. Always saying that he needed to pick something up from there. Oh well, today we all got to find out what it is. Being a true DnD master, he bought us a DnD handbook and loads od dice as Christmas presents. As for me though, I got one extra 'Guide to Divine Magic'... it's a 'farewell' gift from him to me. Touched...... Thanks for all those things Des, appreciate them!

Still, both cases reminded me of one thing... This is my last week in Singapore. The thought really surprised me, somehow. Like I know this all along but still when I think about it, it's as if I've just heard something new. Damn it, what's with me and having to be reminded this way? I mean, if not for the 'farewell' gifts, I'd still be quite blind and fail to see the little time I have left. Sigh, what can I say... after this I really need to clear my things out of the room. Got to start packing.

But hey... No point pondering over it, right? Told myself many many times before and I'm not going back on my words. So, cheer up! Yep, everything happens for a reason though I may not know what....yet!

So smile ^_____________________________^

Funny how...

Don't you ever wish...You were someone else

You were meant to be...The way you are exactly

Don't you ever say ...You don't like the way you are

When you learn to love yourself...You're better off by far

Nothing mention-worthy today. Well the closest thing is possibly me falling off the bed last night. Yeah... silly me. Not sure what happened. Woke up a split second before falling off... but too late to do anything. So I crashed onto the floor disgracefully and hurt my knee in the process.... Sigh, funny but it's also painful.

One crappy thing though, my roommate just came back yesterday... Damn it! Haha what a drag... he's supposed to be back tomorrow! Never mind, I've shifted myself to my sister's room for now. Haha guess I'll be here until I leave for Thailand... I need the privacy.

Anyway, got myself a ticket back to Thailand on the 9th of Dec. 6 days sooner than my initial plan. Wow, that means I'll miss the last episode of the O.C.. Ok that's it's really silly to think of such a thing! :p

Oh well... on the 9th, Ping, Des and Beng will be going to Thailand too. This should be interesting. Haha, I'm a bad bad tour guide baby. Will probably ask Palakorn to bring us around... but since he can't really communicate in English, he says it'll be pretty tough. Gotta agree... but it's worth a try still, huh?

Anyway, now I only have 6 days left... wow so soon. Totally didn't see it coming. Too many things still undone, hmmm....

YING YANG

Tell me what's wrong with society

When everywhere I look I see

Rich guys driving big SUV's

While kids are starving in the streets...

Don't ask me why, but I just felt like posting a part of this song.... probably coz the lyrics' stuck in my head. It's "Crazy" by Simple Plan and the lyrics are pretty meaningful. So yeah, just wanna share... haha... (Note to Dan: I don't know what took me so long to realise there's this great song in the album... -_-" )

So anyway, I have both good and bad news. Start with the bad... my father is asking me to go back to Thailand on the 10th of Dec instead of 15th... Oh well he said the earlier the better, actually. Ok I do understand that he wants the family to have the 'get-together' as soon as possible. Honestly I want it too... It's a once in a year thing, you know. It's also because he plans to take us on a family vacation during 18-22 Dec so the earlier I go back the more time there is for me to settle things like VISA and stuff like that. Still, that would mean I have to leave Singapore sooner than expected. Ok so it's kinda wrong to say that this is bad news coz there are both pros and cons but hey, I dont even know if I can change my flight to the 10th.

Here's one super duper good news for me though... I get to stay in Thailand until March!! Yesssss, no longer I have to start my course in January. ^________^ That's like totally awesome! I really don't know how to express this, but the more I think about it the more exciting the idea becomes. You see, since I can't avoid going to Australia I might as well make the best out of the situation, right? So far, I got to go there when I wanted and stay with my 2 brothers in an apartment. Think it'll be kinda cool....

However, there'll still be so many things that I'll miss here.... even so, I'll always tell myself that it's not the end of the world! Yeah, I really hope I succeed!

Latest update, my slacking period has just officially begun... Just gonna be a couch potato for a day or two. Kinda like to revitalise myself. Hopefully after I can go all out again....

All alone....in my room....

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream,

of a place where nothing's harder than it seems...

Oh man, being all alone has it's pros and cons... While I got to do whatever i want, however I want and whenever I want... I have loads of possibilities too. Hey, it's kinda fun still. I can blast music in the house without disturbing anyone. Wish I can live like this soon... haha... but provided there's more to be done at home by myself.

Anyway tonight's the last night before my guardian comes back tomorrow. Damn... the saddest thing is I got to sleep early because I have TOEFL tomorrow. One consolation though, after trying out a few sample papers I actually find the test pretty basic. Hmmm just hope everything goes well tomorrow and that the room isn't too cold or anything. -_-"

Oh no, I'm out of things to blog....so soon... hope I have juicier stories next time. Haha...

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life...

lala... lala lala lala...

Woke up so unusually early this morning and unable to get back to sleep. Guess I'll post something then, as it's been quite sometime since my last posting.

So anyway, this is a brand new start! Smile and face the world! Haha.... and I'll be home alone until Monday coz my guardian and her family went to Malaysia... How cooooool is that?!?! Haha so I asked some pals over to stay for the night.

One thing though.... next Monday is my TOEFL test. Crap, I'm not even sure how to prepare for the stupid thing. All I know for now is it's a 4-hr English test which comprises of listening, reading, structured and writing.... -_-" Oh well....guess I need to do some research on it.....

Broken...

I miss you...Miss you so bad.

Won't forget you...Oh it's so sad.

I hope that you can hear me...

Coz I remember it clearly...

The day you slipped away,

was the day I found it won't be the same...

Finally this day has arrived...

No, I never looked forward to it. I hate it so much. If only this is a dream. Yeah, how good that'd be... It is, of course, impossible. It can never be a dream for I was there at the airport... felt the lost and even cried my heart out too. Today Daniel, one of my best friends ever, left Singapore. Destination, Canada... I can only wonder when we'll meet again... though I pray hard that it's real soon.

I'll never forget everything that happened within the short hour at the airport today. A group of us went there after a briefing in school earlier in the morning. Ping, Des, Beng, Ash and Andrew... We did everything as if it was normal. Had lucnh at Mcdonald's and talked non-sense just to get a good laugh. However, throughout I could't help but reminded myself that that would be the last time.

We took lots of photos too. It was fun, really. For a while there I was really able to let myself go. Time's precious and I made sure that I made the most out of it....

When all's done, we found ourselves at the departure hall once again. It was an akward moment. No one wanted him to go but at the same time knew full well that there's nothing that can be done. For me, I tried to tell myself to be strong. I felt really sad inside but i forced myself not to cry. Before today, I had imagined so much about how this would feel like. I realised that I was a fool. What I experienced today was far worse. Seeing him and Nicky through the glass panel in the departure hall...it's a scene that scarred me for life. I almost cried then, but managed to fight back my tears. Soon Dan called me to say goodbye to everyone. At the very moment i told him 'good luck', I just broke down. I didn't accept the reality until that very second. It just, in a way, forced me to accept the cruel truth. Apparently it's one that I couldn't handle too... I couldn't remember the last time I cried so much...

Dan, if you're reading this, I just want you to remember that no matter how many years from now, I'll never forget you. I'll always remember everything and cherish all those memories. You will always be that special friend in my life. Nothing will ever change that, you have my word. When you need someone, I'll always be around to do as much as I can to help. At this point, it is only the beginning not the end. As you once told me, ' Absence makes the heart grows fonder'. Good Luck in everything you do. Pursue your dreams and hope that you acheive them. Keep in touch... We'll meet again someday!

Here's a song that i wrote... I hope you like it ^__^

LAST FAREWELL

V1: Didn't catch those words, can you say them again?

I'm not gonna laugh, don't leave them unsaid

They mean as much to both you and I

What's on your mind

Coz after today there's nothing, nothing but goodbye

As we are standing here let us make a promise

CHORUS: From this very moment wherever we may be

We'll never doubt those we call friends

Cherish them until, until the end

We laugh and we cry while hands wave goodbye

V2: Those jokes we made and those pranks we played

Brought countless smiles to our faces before

So why now my friends, memories make you cry?

Don't be afraid

Coz you are not, not the only one

V3: We are screaming inside saying that it's a lie,that it's not true, that it's not goodbye

But in reality it's just right there, it is happening right before our eyes

Is it gonna be the same? Seems like nobody knows

Nobody knows, but soon we'll all know..

ENDING: Good luck in whatever you. My last farewell from me to you

Change of Events

I don't know how I feel,

tomorrow...tomorrow.

And I don't know what to say,

tomorrow...tomorrow,

is a different day....

And I know I'm not ready,

Maybe tomorrow...

When i just learned about blog, at first i really thought that it's really lame. Now, however, I finally realised why people want to use such a thing. You see, I think that people who use blog are those who want to be heard... yeah. Regardless of what issue, I think that everyone should have that somebody to talk to as a form of 'unloading' burden. Blog comes in handy when you don't know who to turn to...

Long ago i realised a number of my negative qualities. One being over possessive and jealous at times! Haha yeah...scary stuff. Secondly is maybe that I can be pretty hard to please. Thirdly is my occassional tendency to be 'cold' towards others around me. Like somehow I exude this unfriendly aura or something I also have a fear of not belonging. In other words, you can say that I'm always afraid of being left out to be left out. Well, this probably stems from what happened to me in my family when i was just a kid. Anyway, i've always made a point to overcome those stuff. Today, though, I think i failed in all. So my point is, it's a hell of a bad day for me. I know that it's really childish and stupid, but somehow i can't help but feel so alone....very.

I mean firstly i meant it literally... I'm the only ward left in my guradian's place now. Everywhere is so quiet. Two rooms on next to mine are all dark. Not that I'm complaining but it somehow just add into what I'm feeling inside. I always want to have my own space, you know, like a place where i can be all alone and just think and daydream to myself. At the same time when this feeling really comes, I may just break down... Told you i'm hard to please....
So i guess it'll be a dull night for me. Long and dull. Sometimes the simplest gestures are the most profound. Although I may not have an answer all the time...but questions like "Are you Ok?" or "What's on your mind?" really mean a lot. Now more than ever, I really wish someone will just say those things to me. Hearing them from a friend usually means half my sadness gone. Instead, it seems like none is coming my way anytime soon. Yeah, I'm just having another one of my bad days... Right.... There are always reasons for them.

Still, I felt like a burden to a number of people today. Sorry to all. I really don't want it to be this way considering the little time I have left...

WHEN IT"S OVER>>>!

WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER!
WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER!
WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER! WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO, IT'S OVER!
^_________________________________________________________________^

Wahaha Yeah baby! Freedom at last! The feeling rocks! Sooooooooooooo damn relieved! Hehehe hahaha
Now it's full blast, 100% forward crazy-party-have fun-let go-heck care time!

HURRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHI B mania

Alright from this point onwards contdown has just begun. 2 more days to the end of 'O'.... ok actually it doesn't end till next Monday but hey I'm talking 'effectively ends' here. Besides that, there also a few other countdowns.... but I'll leave them alone. Figure it out yourself, shouldn't be too hard ><
So anyway latest update on life, did my Chi B papers this morning! What a waste of time! Yeah seruous... even the invigilator let us (Den and I) start early so "We can end earlier".... hahaha
Sigh, got to go back to study mode after hibernating for sooooo long.... hahaha 2 more days.... I can make it!
*Hush**Hush* My little project is almost done too.... half-way there!! Just need to get the materials and I can start with the contents... shouldn't take me too long... Muahaha So far I'm pretty contented with the cover page.... well considering i don't have much experience on this kinda stuff... We'll see in a few days time, though!

Rejuevenated

Aloha... Man, I like this feeling. After two 'sad' postings, finally i'm able to kick the feeling away! BYE BYE!
Haiz... after every obstacle you emerge a stronger person. That means I just levelled up! Hahaha you all beware...
Ok enough non sense, just to tell all those that tried to support me that it worked! Thanks guys, you know who you are!

My Plea

Damn...i feel dead.
So far up till now the day has been so useless... and i forecast that it's going to remain the same throughout. Maybe, but hope not, it may even be like this for a few more days. I can't really study. Lost all my motivation that I once posessed at the beginning of 'O'. Too many things on my mind... Left-right, up-down, where can I run? Worse, I'm beginning to doubt a lot of things I thought i trust. How naive....
Must be outside influence playing with my head! Yeah, been telling myself that too. Still, I can't shake the feeling. It scares me how affected I can be when there's a turn of event. After all that I've been through, shouldn't I be more comfortable under my own skin now? Well, who am I kidding... "No one can hurt you without your consent"... great saying but hard to follow! If only I'm made more of stones rather than flesh and blood.... That way I woudn't have to feel so much about small petty things.
Crap, whine and whine again! Shit....but what to do? At this rate sooner or later I'm going to explode! I hope it's the former... That way I'll be out of this misery faster... Sigh~~~~

AIRPORT issue

Great news for me... I managed to extend my com's life afterall! ^____^ Yep I just added valuable days to its miserable life! Haha once again I can use the internet... Hip Hip Hooray! (...)
So anyway today I sent my sister and cousin off to the airport. Since the beginning of time, airport is one of my most dreaded place. You see, everytime you go to the airport it can either mean 1) You are sending someone off or 2) You are leaving someone to another place far far away. Both cases have one thing in common, it sucks big time! Of course there are instances where you get to meet someone, either you are picking someone up or having someone to pick you up (which is really nice). However, from what i know, it's usually the 'not-so-good' factor. Roughly that's why i don't really fancy airport very much.Besides I really don't like the idea of flying. Guess that contributes a bit....
Anyway so yeah that's probably one little fact about myself. What more is that today, I realised something that is quite disheartening... I don't think I'm ready to get into the details at this point. Plus, it's pretty hard for me to express what I'm feeling right now simply because it's still very much messed up in my head. Hmmm I really don't know how to put into words but maybe this, "How many people are SINCERELY willing to sacrifice for you?" This is suppose to refer to those people you trust, more directly to friends... I'm not pointing in any specific direction, before any of you think otherwise. Ok I'm not meaning this is a super dramatic fashion. "Sacrifice" as in willing to help or do things without hoping for returns. Moreover, someone who really take you for who you are and is willing to overlook flaws. Of course I'm not saying that I'm a perfect role-model for teens of the new generation or anything, but this is just what is going on in my head right now. If you find my points scattered all over the place, it is truly understandable. I'm really just desperately typing out how i feel -_-"

I'm Back!!

It's been sometime since i last posted... why? Coz I've been so darn busy! With what? My stupid gonna-die-on-me-anytime-soon com is having tonnes of technical problems! Haha yeah at this very moment I'm using my sister's com to type this out! Sigh... since everything happens for a reason, and now my com is screwed, does that mean I'm suppose to study more and stop using the com? Haha somehow it's not working, mate! More than ever i'm so distracted. So far i've reformatted my com thrice! Just did the third time a while ago... it'd better be working soon or something's really going out the window!
So what've been up to lately? Nothing! hahaha yeah, damn right!Sigh, since the one week break started, I've been feeling so exhausted. I can't sit down and do any serious studying for more than half an hour! Yep, bad sign, i know! But what to do? Everything is so dull now. Haha even this keyboard is so hard to type on! Nothing's going right anymore! Argh... (...nutcase...)

Stars*

Hey...up to this point i really have nothing much worth blogging. LOL so i guess i'll take this opportunity to post a lyric of my song here. (Yeah by your request, you know who you are ^__^)
Ok this song is titled 'Stars'. Before that let me get into the background of the song a bit. This is for you to get 'in the zone' before the actual stuff.
So anyway it's hilarious how this title came about. One fine day during a maths lesson, i was so freaking bored and was just looking for something to do... (the teacher was absent on that day, mind you!). What i did was asked my friend, Dan, to give me a word associated to nothing in particular. Apparently he gave me this word 'stars'... Haha from there i started writing a short piece of song. At first it was just non-sense but somehow the more i wrote the more I became engrossed. Basically that's how the song came about in the first place.
What make this song one of my favourites is actually who i wrote it for. This short song is dedicated to a very special person in my life. Although I have very little clue on who she was or how she's like, I really hope that she can hear me whenever i sing this song at night in my bedroom.The words are really from my heart and if only i can get a chance to say this to her, I'll be the happiest person alive. These may not make sense to others but to me, they mean everything. Let me just say that this song is for none other than my mom, who I'm sure at this very moment is watching over me from above right now>>>>

STARS

Called out your name but you didn't reply

It's not the same and i wonder why

Don't remember your face, not there in my soul

It's such a waste, you just had to go

At first i was angry, at first i was mad

How you did this to me coz i miss you so bad

But i know the truth now should've known long ago

You're always around even before i know

I'm never really alone

Just because you're not here doesn't mean you don't care

And I know all i have to do is look up to the sky,

to the stars, to where you are...

and you'll guide me there

"It will be alright", I can hear you say

Sleeping well at night coz you hear my prayers

Coz you hear my prayers

It'll be okay

I know you'll always guide me there

At last, a paper that i felt confident doing, hahaha! Yep had E maths paper 2 today and got to say it's kinda easy. If anything i dare say that it's a road to my first A...! Hahaha ya stop dreaming, better not to aim too high in case you are disappointed right? Sigh, tomorrow is chem... supposedly my 'favourite' subject. Looking at the noted now though, i really feel like going back to sleep. Just took a 3-hour nap lol....and now feeling so crap! very exhausted and giddy... well probably another reason for me not to start studying straightaway....
After the paper we went out to celebrate Eugene's birthday eve, well whatever that is! But haha had fun anyway. Ping, Des, Ben, Eugene(duh...), and I...not the usual combination i'd say. Didn't do much though, had lunch and fooled around, the kinda of things you'd do when you're high! haha
Sigh someone's getting older. Somehow I can't help but think of how far we've come. In a way, you know, you can put it as we've been growing up together. Yep, realise it or not, seriously all these times we learned a lot from each other and to a certain extent become more mature by all these things.... Ok I'm blabbering non-sense again (as usual). My point is, now that the end is coming (yeah, like it or not...) all those times seem so precious. Deep down i think there'll people who agree with me too. To me it's not the 'O' Level that scares me, but it's actually whatever that's going to happen afterwards. Sooner or later though, I'll have to face it head on....

Finally! I wasn't able to get into the site for sometime...Phew for a while there i was scared!
So anyway latest update: I SCREWED UP MY A MATHS PAPER 1...yep, big time! Ok there's nothing to elaborate further, I'm trying to forget about it anyway. One good thing that happened to me, though, was that during the paper (yeah you read it correctly, DURING), I wrote down this song. As it turned out, this song is arguably one of my most successful so far :p
Ok most of you may not know this, but writing songs is one of my hobbies. It's just to keep my small, insignificant life going, you know. Most of the time when i'm feeling extreme (sad, angry etc.) I'll just grab my book and start writing non-sense. Ok let's talk about the latest one that i wrote in the strangest of time. I called it "Like Me"...haha and defintely it was a sad sad song ( What do you think? i couldn't do the paper for crying out loud!) Part of it goes like this "I'm like a lost man, like a hopeless man, like me..." *sobs*
But hey guess what? I kinda felt better afterwards, haha! yeah im crazy... Likely it's because at the ending of the song, there was this sudden change of mood and i wrote down "Maybe i somehow just fail to try"....Hmmm interesting, isn't it? (Sure most of you reading this may not get what the hell I'm going on and on about)
The best part was that, when i got home i actually put in chords to the song...and somehow it turned out sounding quite great!In fact this is the only song with actual rhytm in it...guess it's a big success on my part! So i really don't know if yesterday was a good or bad day for me...I failed miserably in one thing but succeeded in another...Guess it kinda balanced out yeah? ~_~
Anyway, so far i have penned down 8 songs in total:

Last Farewell

Stars

The Way She Pretends

The Substitute

Let It Be That Way

Hopefully

My Insincere Apology

Like Me

(Looking like a back of an album, yeah? LOL)

I see the Light...

I'M....SO.....FREAKIN'.....DRAINED!

Breakaway

Hmmm i'm so glad to see that my blog is recieving 'overwhelming' response from people...haha (And yeah gotta agree that the word 'exaggerate' has never been more appropriate!) Anyway thanks all for visiting!
Sigh very sad to say that I MAY not be blogging any more stuff for the next 2-3 days or so ... This is due to my super-ultra packed exams schedule! Blame it on those guys who set this timetable, i mean i'll be dismissed at 6.00pm on Thursday! Sigh..... ~_~
One good news for me though...My roommate will be going home tomorrow (YES!) and will only be back like a month later (YES! x2) Haha, and no I'm not evil in saying this, believe me! He's a real pain in the ass man! And you'll believe me if you get to know him personally... But for now be glad that you don't! As i'm typing this out he's running about packing his bag frantically *point finger and laugh*

My Wishes

Today's is soooo unfair...but for once i'm not complaining! haha...coz while im typing this out, slouching in a cozy sofa....my friends are putting their heads on a chopping board battling it out against the evil chinese 'O' level papers! Good Luck Guys! Wish i could be there to go through it together with you all but at the same time I'm glad I'm not...haha ALL THE BEST!
Hey so much for thrash talking...tomorrow it'll be my turn.... sigh*... Its weird but believe me when i say that i can actually 'feel' the pressure, you know. Like somehow it has materialised and is now resting on my head.... crashing down is more like it. See how crazy i am at the moment? I dont even know what point im trying to make, for crying out loud!!! Argh...!
Ok ok cheer up, Thanin... I just need to push forward a little more and it'll be all over before i knew it!Yes... I've got to keep telling myself that! (....)
And before I forget... My special thanks to Daniel for your comments on my previous posts! Once again you helped remind me that someone's got my back, man!
(Ok maybe that sounds a bit wrong but oh well...haha...thanks again and gd luck, you're da best!)